Here's to a Fantastic 2010.

I fully intend to write a meaningful blog post about what 2009 was like, and what I expect from 2010, but I'm in too big of a hurry today.

I'm heading down to Pittsburgh to Jody's house tonight. Our friend Sally is driving up from DC. We're eating dinner at Jody's, getting all sassified up, then driving downtown and staying in a hotel and hitting the town. Just us girls. I'm pretty excited for it. What a way to kick off the new year, right? Talk about new beginnings!

Last year Felix and I were asleep around 11:30 (I'm not saying that was a bad thing, I was happy with it), and the year before we just hung out with a few friends and played cards (Nothing wrong with that either).

And yes I miss him today. Stupid holidays. I don't know what it is about a stupid day that makes people miss someone. So I'm not gonna lie. I DO miss him alot. I wonder what he's doing tonight, and I hope he has fun plans, too.

But I have a new dress, a new sassy purse my mom bought me for Christmas, and I'm hanging out with two fabulously fun single ladies tonight in one of the greatest cities EVER! I can't wait!!

Clawing at the Ceiling.

I'm minding my own business, sleeping in my bed today, when I have a dream that there was a baby running back and forth across my floor. Not a normal baby, a wee little baby. And this wee little baby scampered everywhere. I don't even want to know what the symbolism of the baby is (NO mom, I am STILL not interested in having kids at the moment!), BUT- the dream woke me up. As I'm laying in bed, I realize the scampering sound didn't stop. As I came to, I further realized there was something scampering in my ceiling. Running back and forth, then stopping to scratch on something. It sounded too big to be a rat (I pray to God), so I think there's a squirrel in my ceiling!!

So I hardly got ANY sleep because I'm scared this squirrel is going to crawl through my vents and attack me in my sleep. I'm going to call apartment management later today...but what are they going to do? I don't care if a squirrel or a raccon or whatever is hanging out up there, but I can't sleep when they're scampering around and scratching my ceiling. It's driving me NUTS. Haha, I didn't even intend that pun until I already typed it. I'm funny.

Look What I Can Do: Black Bean and Avocado Sammiches!

I was perusing Cooking Light's website during a break at work the other night, in an effort to find some cheap, relatively healthy, and yummy recipes. I've been eating WAY too much fast food lately, and not working out nearly enough...I can't deny it any longer: It's starting to show.

Anway, I came across a recipe for a sandwich made with a hollowed out baguette, black beans, avocado, and red cabbage. It actually sounded pretty tasty, but when I got home from the grocery store, I realized I forgot half of the ingredients, and I didn't buy a whole baguette because...damn...I'd never be able to eat the whole thing and I'm sick of wasting my money. Either way, I came up with my OWN version of the recipe, and it was DEE-LISH! And easy! And cheap!!!

While most of you may krinkle up your nose in disgust at the thought of black beans and avocados, I figured I'd post the recipe anyway for you adventerous folk out there..so here it is!

Ingredients (This is enough for at least 3 sandwiches, you can keep the leftovers in the fridge for 3 days):

- 1 can black beans, rinsed and drained

- 3 tablespoons prepared salsa

- a few jarred jalapeno rings, depending on how spicy you want it!

- Arnold's Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins

- 1 Avocado, pitted

- about 1/3 cup chopped up onion..maybe a little less

-garlic powder

-salt

Mash up black beans, salsa, and chopped up jalapeno rings in a medium bowl. Set aside. In seperate bowl, mash up avocado and chopped onion...add garlic powder and a little salt to taste.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toast Sandwich thin in toaster. Take 1/3 of the black bean mix and heat in the microwave until warm. Spread on each side of sandwich thin. Top each side with a little bit of shredded cheese. Heat in the over until cheese is bubbly. Spread a little of the avocado spread on top, and enjoy!!!

If anyone makes this, let me know what you think!!

My First Dermatologist Appointment, at Age 26.

My skin has been FREAKING out lately. Every morning (afternoon??) I wake up, I can't WAIT to look in the bathroom mirror at all the new craters that have appeared on my face during the previous 7 or 8 hours of sleep. Nothing like kicking a woman when she's down. I mean, really? I'm still getting used to living alone, there are 987,453 things on my mind at any given moment, I haven't been making it to the gym as much as I'd like, so I feel gross...why not add a few gazillion zits to my face? God is testing me. ANYWAY- A few weeks ago, I found out that my health insurance covers dermatologists. I never knew this before. I also never knew it was so ridiculously hard to get an appointment with one. The doc my friend recommended is booked and I couldn't get an appointment until January 21st. So, I googled away and found another one not too far away. To make a long story short, my appointment was yesterday.

My doctor was about 167 years old, and looked exactly like this:
After touching my face under a horribly bright light, and asking me if I'm under a lot of stress (YES.), he told me that I needed to calm down, and that often times girls get very stressed out..for example, during Prom season or around the time of Homecoming. It took me all I had not to laugh in his face and say, "PLEASE GIVE ME BACK THE STRESS OF GOING TO PROM. I WILL TAKE IT OVER THE STRESS OF THESE LAST FEW MONTHS IN A HEARTBEAT", but alas, I remained calm, because I got his point. I am a stupid girl and I am worrying too much, which in turn causes my skin to go haywire, which makes me worry...it's all a vicious cycle.

After prescribing me a lotion and an antibiotic, he also told me to avoid the following 4 foods:
1. nuts of any kind (including peanut butter)
2. Tomatoes and tomato-based products
3. Colas I can't see through (wish he would've told me that before I bought that 12-pack of Diet coke)
3. Chocolate (crap.)

Apparently these things irritate your skin in times of stress and breakouts. I just thought it was interesting because I've never heard the tomato thing. Maybe it's a load of crap. But he told me to try it all for a month (including the meds he gave me) and then I gotta go back. Here are some other surprising things he told me to do: Don't wash with a washcloth or a body poof, use your hands. Not sure why, but whatever. Also, don't use moisturizer on my face until my skin clears up (even if it's oil-free). He also told me to use oil-free make-up, which is a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned. I don't even know why they would manufacture makeup with oil in it...so I've already got that one covered.
Anyway, if I can go a month without chocolate and tomatoes and the occassional Diet Coke, I better be five pounds thinner with super clear skin.

Happy Music Monday!!!

This is an oldie but goodie. I LOVE this video. Who doesn't love instrument-playing-puppets?!

Weekend Recap.

Calories Consumed: 897,349,502,123

Tears: Minimal.

Sleep: Not nearly enough.

Laughter: A lot

Time spent with family and friends: More than I expected, but never enough

New pink Dooney & Bourke Purse: Awesome.

Caturday.

I picked today's picture for several reasons. One, it's friggin' hilarious. Two, my friend Sivillo (who was one of my guest bloggers when I moved this month) calls me poopnuts, so "catnuts" made me laugh. The nickname goes back to college, and I can't for the life of me remember the story behind it... Or why I call him Beefyshorts...but I digress. And he always teases me about my Caturday posts, sooooo today's Caturday is dedicated to you, Matt!

Merry Christmas!

Right now, it's 4:45 am on Christmas morning. I really wanted to write a post today about Christmas with my family, but I have no idea if I'll be able to get to a computer tonight, so I'm posting one now so I don't miss out on my chance to blog today.

The plan is to head to my mom and dad's in Pennsylvania this morning when I get off work at 7:00 am. The forecast is calling for a chance of freezing rain, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get too terribly bad. I'm just gonna go for it and take my chances. Spending Christmas Eve without my family was bad enough last night, I'm not going to sit in my apartment all day long on Christmas Day!

I have a busy 48 hours ahead of me...Tonight I'm going to try and see Brandee, tomorrow morning I'm meeting the Brookville True Crew (Beck, Lauren, and Nicole) at Nicole's for coffee and breakfast, then I'm off to Pittsburgh to spend Saturday night with Jody. We're going to some sort of Christmas party. It should be fun!

I'm hoping on Sunday, if all works out right, to meet Leah for breakfast before I head back to Ohio to come into work at 9:00 pm to work another week of ten hour days...but at least I have New Year's Eve night off!!! So I won't complain too much.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas today, and that you're all spending it with people you care about. Hugs go out to all my friends who work in television that can't make it home for the holidays because of works schedules. We all know it comes with the territory, but it still blows.

Christmas Eve.

I have mixed feelings about today. It doesn't feel like Christmas Eve to me. It might be because I had to work last night and I have to work tonight. Or maybe it's the fact that most of my friends here work in television, and THEY all have to work too. I'm not complaining, it comes with the territory of working in the business.

At least Christmas is on a Friday this year, so as soon as I get off work in the morning I'm driving to Brookville, crashing for a few hours at my mom's hotel, and then heading out to spend some time with the family.

My emotions are kind of a roller coaster ride today, too. Since breaking up with Felix, I've been mostly ok. Actually better than I thought I would be. WAY better. But today, I'm just a little sad. I talk alot of shit, but I miss him. And I miss Talia, and it's sad I won't be there for her to open up all of her presents this year, because that's something I've always really enjoyed. So it's hard. I think breaking up during the holidays has gotta be one of the toughest things. If I make it through the first of the year, hopefully it'll be full steam ahead from there! Womp womp! Sorry for the depressing Christmas Eve post...I just want to look back at this blog a year from now and see how I was feeling, and hopefully comparing it to how much BETTER my life is then:)

The Great Dryer Dilemma.

On Saturday, I stripped the sheets off my bed, got all my dirty laundry possible together (including bath mat, hand towels, etc...) and walked the 15 feet from my apartment to the laundry room, loaded up with detergent, dryer sheets, and quarters.

I walked into the laundry room and saw that the ENTIRE TOP OF THE DRYER was missing. Just gone. I was kinda pissed, because what was I going to do with my dirty sheets? Put them back on my bed? I just figured that it was broken and that maintenance was fixing it.

By last night, the dryer STILL wasn't fixed, so I loaded up all of my dirty laundry (after just sleeping with a comforter on a mattress for a few days) and hauled it all over to the laundromat. Ten dollars in quarters later, all my laundry was done...and two precious hours of my life were stolen from me.

Tonight, I learned from a girl in another building, that the dryer wasn't in fact BROKEN, but someone was coming around to all the buildings and STEALING THE QUARTERS! So they were coming in during the middle of the night and stealing the tops of the dryers. While I know this is probably considered petty theft, it still kinda freaks me out to know some strung out druggie was coming into my building and stealing all the quarters. The laundry room is RIGHT by my apartment. I hear stuff over there all the time! I just picture myself coming out of my place at 11:00 pm going to work, and seeing some homeless man with a long scraggly beard and a threadbare tossle cap and long military coat jimmying the lock on my dryer,then knifing me because I caught him in the act.

Woe is me.

Happy Music Tuesday!!!

Since yesterday's blog post was dedicated to my very deserving mom, today will be "Happy Music Monday" a day late.

I don't know how long this song has been out, I think it's fairly new. I'm going to download it and put it on my workout playlist...because it's CRAZY!

Happy Birthday Mom!! (Just a Day Late)

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” - Washington Irving

Yesterday was my mom's birthday, and I was a TERRIBLE daughter. I forgot the date (not of her birthday, but what day yesterday actually WAS), and even though I already sent her a card, I forgot to call her.

THEN- I went to work at 9:00 pm and wrote a blog post about her that wouldn't post because of stupid Blogger problems.

So, the handsdown, most important woman in my life did not get a blog post on her birthday.

Sorry mom! I promise your Christmas gift will MORE than make up for the crap that is your oldest daughter.

Anyway, anyone who knows my mom knows she ranks up there with the best moms in the world. Really, she does. She's fantastic. I talk to her AT LEAST once a day and I tell her (mostly) everything.

She's always put her kids before everything else in her life. One thing that will always stick with me is the fact that I remember being in grade school, and dressing in the cutest clothes out there. My mom had like, two skirts and 4 shirts she wore to work. I remember how empty her closet was and how full mine used to be.

I've put her through the ringer a time or two with my shenanigans (especially in high school), but she's never stopped loving me and never stopped being there for me. I feel like all I do is ramble on about how fantastic my mom is, and it might be losing it's meaning because I do it so much.

So, mom, I love you! Happy Birthday!! Sorry for being a crappy daughter this year. See ya on Christmas!!

Well, I stink.

I wrote my Sunday blog post and Blogger wouldn't post it. AND- It's terrible because it's my MOMS FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY and I had a lovely post written all about how great of a mother she is, and it didn't post. I didnt' realize it until right now.

So I KIND of missed a post yesterday, but I SWEAR I wrote it. You can blame blogger for it.

I'm cheating by writing this right now and scheduling it to have posted for Sunday.

Dammit, almost EIGHT MONTHS without missing a daily post. CRAP!!!

Mom, I'm a shitty daughter. I'll write you a wonderful Happy Birthday blog post today..I PROMISE!!! I LOVE YOU!

Caturday.

When Did This Happen?

When did men stop wanting to take care of women? Now, guys who read this blog, I'm generalizing men here, not ALL men are like this and I'm not saying YOU are or that every man is, so chillax.

Anyway, when did men stop wanting to take care of women? It's something I've noticed since My Breakup. I feel like it's all around me. Men who are 30 or older who just DON'T want to get married or have kids. Or 30-year-olds who still live with their parents. I was recently catching up with a college friend who lives in NYC and he was saying his relationship was hanging by a thread because he's almost 30 years old and doesn't see himself settling down any time soon. I'm not bashing him, he has every right to feel that way, BUT- since when does it make a girl crazy to anticipate the next step in a relationship when you've been together for a few years? Felix made me feel like I was doing something WRONG for making plans to buy a house, or ask about marriage. Call me crazy, but after being together for almost 3 years, I was making plans. There's nothing wrong with planning my life. I think it's normal...isn't it? If I WANTED kids, I'd be screwed. I'd have to go out and unknowingly get knocked up by some guy. BECAUSE now, by the time a man is ready to have kids, a women's childbaring days are almost over!

I feel like men my age just don't feel the need the older generation did to marry a woman and take care of her. Ladies, maybe it's OUR fault. We're so independent we send off this vibe that we don't NEED to be taken care of. Which we don't, and that's good. But NEEDING and WANTING something are two different things. I WANT a man who is ABLE to take care of me, and WANTS to. Call me old-fashioned, but that's what I've always pictured. I recently read an article that says women are becoming more successful than men. More women are graduating from college and getting good jobs, while it seems as though men are slacking. It's in a women's nature to be with someone successful. Maybe successful women are just outnumbering the successful guys out there? And there's less of a choice? Maybe men feel emasculated by a women's success?

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. And I'm not man-bashing. I LOVE men. It's just been my observation that men just don't want to get married anymore. But who can blame them? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Happy Birthday Lauren!!

Oh, Miss Lauren McKinney, now Mrs. Lauren Gilligan..where do I even begin with your happy birthday wishes? Lauren and I go way back to the junior high days. I credit her for taking me under her wing when I was brutally dumped by my First Love. I was devastated, and Lauren and I hung out with the same people, but really weren't friends until after The Dumping. I thought it was the end of the world (as we all do when our first "real" relationship comes to an end), and Lauren was nice enough to start asking me to hang out with her.

One thing led to another, and soon I was spending weekends at her house, and even took a trip to Florida with her. In Florida, I found out my mom was pregnant with Morgan (a day I'll NEVER forget), and I took my first and only trip to the Florida Keys. After high school ended and I went off to school at Clarion, and her to Lock Haven, we grew apart, but still kept in touch. The girls from Brookville made it a tradition to go to the truck stop for coffee when we were all home, and Lauren and I have kept in touch regularly throughout the years.
Lauren has recently been a great friend to me, once again, after I got The Boot from Felix. She calls and texts me regularly to see how I'm doing, and I can't thank her enough for that. She's been one of the greatest long-distance friends I've ever had...So thank you, Lauren. I'm so glad you've found happiness with Matt in your little home in Kane, and I wish you a spectacularly happy birthday!!!

Winter Has Arrived in Northeast Ohio.

Seriously, someone needs to do SOMETHING about the travesty called winter road conditions in Youngstown.
I've been complaining about it since I moved here. I have NEVER lived in a place that does sooo little to treat it's roads during the winter. They don't plow. They don't salt. They don't do ANYTHING. I'm sick of having treacherous drives to work every year during the months between December and March!
It began last night. I had to be into work at 9:00 PM, so I left around 8:30. That should be MORE than enough time to go get gas, grab a latte at Dunkin Donuts, and make it to work right on time.
I hadn't been out of my apartment all day, so when I hopped into my car, I noticed it was WAY colder than it had been that morning, and cars were driving REALLY slowly. When I pulled out onto Mahoning Avenue (the main route from my apartment in Austintown to work in downtown Youngstown), the shit hit the fan. It was HORRENDOUS. An absolute ice-skating rink.
I made it to the gas station and Dunkin Donuts ok, and was breathing a sigh of relief because I was thinking maybe the roads looked worse than they actually were.
Still, after years and years of my dad pounding it into my brain that I was going to DIE if I drove in a dusting of snow, I creepy-crawled my way down the street towards the direction of work. I'm talking, MAYBE 15 miles per hour. First red light comes up, I brake...and aaarrrooouuunnndd I go. I do a complete 360 degree turn on the road, at a speed so slow, I actually had time to say out loud, "PLEASE DON'T HIT THE POLE, PLEASE DON'T HIT THE POLE". I stopped approximately 2 feet away from said telephone pole, and bumped into the curb before coming to a stop. I was right by a restaurant parking lot, so I pulled in to get my wits about me and sit for a few minutes because I was shaking so bad. I sat there for about five minutes, and in those five minutes, I saw four other cars do basically the same thing I had done. The roads were PURE. ICE.
When my trembling calmed a little, I pulled back out on the road. I get no farther than a few stop lights down the road (keep in mind, Mahoning Avenue is a steady slope DOWNHILL from Austintown to Youngstown), when the same thing happens. Around I go, slowly spinning into oncoming traffic. This time my concern was not getting hit by a car coming the opposite direction. So there I am, facing the WRONG way, waiting for other cars to pass me and praying they don't slide into me, before I can gently put my car in reverse and maneuver myself safely into the right lane. I slid AGAIN approaching one of the bridges. I really REALLY thought I was going to slide right into the side of it, but I somehow managed to keep my car on the road. It wasn't just me, either. Cars were spinning out left and right. There was NO ODOT truck as far as the eye could see. Just lots of Youngstown cops parked near accidents, or on the side of the road with their lights on, warning people of their impending doom. It was horrible. It took me AT LEAST 20 minutes to stop shaking after I finally got to work.
And it's like this all the time here!! I think the only reason it's usually not so bad, is that normally I'm heading to work a little before 11pm, so the traffic isn't as bad as it was last night.
All I want to do is win the Mega Millions, so I can move some place warm. Wait. Scratch that. I just gotta move some place that SALTS IT'S FRIGGIN' ROADS and I'll be happy.

Is it just me or is the Tiger Woods scandal the best thing to happen to Kate Gosselin since her tummy tuck? She's never in the tabloids anymore, and no one has heard anything from Jon McDoucherton Gosselin, either. Now Tiger's up to 14 ladies (According to Perez Hilton), and sponsors are dropping him left and right.

I'll lose all hope for humanity if I find out Seal is cheating on Heidi. The divorce of Nick and Jessica was enough to devasate me back in the early 2000's. I can't take much more.

On another note, MTV has decided to take out the scene of Snookie getting hit in the face on this week's episode of Jersey Shore. This pretty much ruins my weekend, as I've been patiently waiting to watch it over and over again on my DVR. In slow motion. For those of you who have been hiding under a rock (or aren't as obsessed with MTV's latest trashy reality show as I am), one of the little Jersey Shore Guidette's gets punched in the face at a club by a dude at the bar. Apparently people caused an uproar, saying MTV was sensationalizing violence, so they pulled the segment. Ugh. What a buzzkill.

That's all I got on a Tuesday!

Happy Music Monday!!!

I don't know what it is about Lady GaGa that I just love. She's a freak. An absolute freak. But maybe ya gotta respect her a little for having the balls to do some of the stuff she does. Anway, I know Leah has sent me a bunch of music to listen to, but I haven't had the time to listen (I spend a lot of time laying in my bed feeling sorry for myself...maybe I should start bringing my laptop...). ANYWAY- in honor of me getting my ass back in the gym today and stopping feeling sorry for myself, I'm posting "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa. When I had been going to the gym faithfully and working on the Couch to 5K running program, this song really pumped me up...sooo hopefully when I head back today, it'll do that same! Happy Monday!

Weekend Recap.

This weekend ended up being pretty good...Friday was my ugly christmas sweater party/ housewarming/ girls night. I'll post pics as soon as I find my cord that plugs my camera into my laptop...there's a few things I still can't figure out where they are, even though all my boxes are unpacked. Jody ended up winning the sweater contest, she looked hysterical and hideous all at the same time!
Saturday, I got to meet Pat for lunch in Clarion. We figured out we hadn't seen each other in about a year and a half. But for some reason it feels like it hasn't been nearly that long. Then, I went home and surprised the family and Morgan on her 11th birthday. I stayed for a few hours, then headed into Brookville to see Nicole and baby Adrian. After that, I headed back up to Ohio, and my friend Jason from work brought over dinner, and we ate eggplant parmesan, drank some read wine, watched some T-Pain and 2 Pac videos on Youtube (don't ask), and watched some taped episodes of Jersey Shore. He's SUCH a great guy. He stayed until about 3:00 am, I headed to bed with my laptop and watched a few episodes of Entourage (YAY Netflix!). I didn't go to bed until around 4:30, but that put me right back on schedule to go into work tonight, cause I didn't get out of bed until amost 3:30 this afternoon (GASP! LAZY!).
Tonight, I ran over to Felix's to give him some money for our final bills, and it was weird. I was only there for a few minutes, and then had to leave because of course, I was getting a little upset. Crazy how after just a week apart, I already feel like we're different people than we were when we lived together. After I left, I kind of had an epiphany. I need to stop worrying about how HE's feeling, and concentrate on myself. He's a grown man and can deal with the consequences of his actions. If he regrets it, that's not my problem. I'm not trying to sound bitter, but I guess I just realized it's time to focus on ME.
Tomorrow, I'm setting an alarm, waking up, going to the gym, and getting my life back on track. I can't continue to sit around and feel sorry for myself. It's just going to make me miserable.

Sorry this blog was kind of rushed, I just got back from the grocery store and have to pack a lunch, finish getting ready for work, and head out the door in the next 30 minutes.

Happy 11th Birthday Morgan!!

Morgan, I'll never forget where I was at when I found out mom was pregnant with you. I was in Ocala, Florida with Lauren McKinney (now Gilligan!) at her grandparent's house, the night before we were heading to the Keys. I was 16 years old. I was excited, but didn't realize how much of an impact you would have on all of our lives.

I still feel like you are our family miracle. I never in my life thought I would have a younger sibling, let alone one that is 16 years younger than me. You have been such a joy to everyone..and I'm so thankful you came into our lives.

Happy Birtday, Morgan!! I love you!!

Ugly Christmas Sweaters.

Tonight is Ugly Christmas Sweater/Housewarming/Girl's Night in my new place!!!

And the sweater I found? HORRIBLE. I'll post pictures/details soon!! Have a great weekend everyone!

Crap Post.

Today's post is a post just for the sake of getting in my daily post. I'm having a girl's night Ugly Sweater Christmas Party/ Housewarming tomorrow night, and I'm running around the apartment, frantically trying to unpack the last of my crap and clean up a little bit. I also have to go into work at 9:00 tonight (Boo, long nights...yay overtime!) and still have to do a bajillion things. At least I'm busy. Although, I'd be less busy if I could manage to get my ass out of bed before 4:30 pm. It seems to just take so much effort to face the day lately, when I'd rather just hide under my covers. I know that feeling will pass...hopefully sooner than later.

But anyway, here's my post. Love it.

MTV Trashes it Up to the Next Level.

By far, the biggest trainwreck on television right now, is MTV's new reality show: "Jersey Shore". Somehow I got roped into watching all the episodes consecutively this past weekend while unpacking boxes. It takes a bunch of Italian guidos and puts them in a beach house at the Jersey Shore for the summer. The result is a ridiculous mess of insanity. And I love it.
Here's a clip:



Warning: Once you start watching, you can't stop. It's like a bad car accident that totally puts Real Housewives of New Jersey to shame.

Back to Work.

After a pretty hectic and eventful Thursday through Tuesday, I head back into work tonight. I'll get a few hours of overtime the rest of this week because I'm going in at 9pm instead of 11pm. Good thing, because this move has been expensive and I need to finish up my Christmas shopping!
I'm looking forward to getting back to my normal routine of working, sleeping, working out and repeating. It's been a tough few days. In some ways it's been WORSE than I expected, but in others it hasn't been as bad as I thought.
The apartment is mostly unpacked except for a few things sitting around that I can't figure out where to put because of my limited space. I actually hung some pictures up myself, too. Not sure if they're exactly centered or straight...but what are ya gonna do?
I'm doing my best to remain optimistic, and I'm hoping the worst is over. I'm grateful that me and Felix's work schedules were always pretty opposite, so I don't really have to get used to sleeping alone, because I already do that. The weekends are the toughest, so I'm just doing my best to stay busy. Pat gave me some advice and told me to go out, even when I don't feel like it. There have been times in the last few days that I just wanted to sit at home and feel sorry for myself, but when friends have asked, I've forced myself to go out to dinner, drinks, whatever is on the agenda. I figure if I keep saying no, eventually the invites will stop. So I've been making myself go, and for the most part, I'm glad I have. I've said this alot lately, but I'm really blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I'm hoping the depressing blog posts will start to get few and far between, so if you're getting sick of reading about Woe is Ashley, stick with me...hopefully that's all going to come to an end.

Happy Music Monday!!!

In honor of Christmas, and the first snowfall (at least not at night while I'm sleeping) in Youngstown, here's my FAVORITE Christmas song/video ever! SUZY SNOWFLAKE!!!

Bonus Sunday Post.

Pat texted me last night to complain about the picture I posted of us for his guest blogging (He was blogger #3). He thinks he looks terrible in it, and sent me this one instead:


There ya go, Pat! I posted your George Michael look-alike pic. Hope you're happy!!!!

Weekend Recap.

Friday

This was day #2 of actually moving all of the big stuff from our townhouse into our new (separate) apartments. After sleeping Thursday night in our new places for the first time (me on a futon cause I didn't get bedroom furniture until later in the weekend...depressing), we met at the old place at 7:30 to pack more stuff. Felix has so much shit. The majority of my stuff had already been moved, so Saturday morning was spent packing his stuff up, because he was totally unprepared ( guess I should've seen it coming, he was like that when we moved in together). I didn't really mind helping out though, no biggie. We had both scheduled the cable guy to come to our new places Friday morning between 8 and 12, and they called us both within ten minutes of each other, so we both went and got our cable connected, then it was back to moving. Felix's friend bartender came over to help, and Sally came to help me out, too. It was just stressful, loading up two pickup trucks...one with my stuff, another with his, and going back and forth between apartments. Friday night, Sally came over with about $40 worth of Chinese food, and we stuffed ourselves until we couldn't feel feelings. Ha! Her husband Seth came over a little later, and I was just kind of bummed..but they both encouraged me to start unpacking and we actually got the majority of everything done! Thank god they kicked my ass in gear, or everything would probably STILL be in boxes in the middle of my living room. I kicked them out around midnight because I was EXHAUSTED.

Saturday.

Around 8 am, the furniture company called and woke me up, and said they would be there in 20 minutes with my bedroom set. I frantically jumped out of bed (well, the futon!) and cleared a path to make sure they could get through. They were only here for probably 20 minutes, and I LOVE MY FURNITURE! Here's my bed:

I also got that bench you see at the foot of the bed, and a big dresser/mirror combo you can't see. After they left, I hopped in the shower to get ready for the day because BECKY WAS COMING TO VISIT!!! It was so good to see her. I REALLY needed my best friend. She came up and we went to Target and I bought some various necessities (a night stand, some lamps, an ironing board cover, iron...etc.) and then came back to my new place. She helped me lug TONS of boxes out to the dumpster..which helped ALOT. Then she put my floor lamps together. After that, she put some Christmas music on and helped me put up and decorate my Christmas tree.

She left around 6:00, and then it hit me. I was by myself. It sucked. It REALLY hit me when I went to Walgreens to buy some light bulbs for my lamps, and I didn't know what kind to get. After three years of Felix doing all that kind of stuff, I was stumped. So, I'm standing in Walgreens, trying not to cry over something as stupid as what wattage of light bulbs to get, and I felt so depressed. When did I become unable to pick out light bulbs? I just got so used to him doing that sort of thing, it's like I forgot how. Luckily, my friend Jason texted me at that moment, so I asked him, and he recommended 75 watt (they work just fine).

After I got home from Walgreens, all I wanted to do was sit on my couch and cry and feel sorry for myself, but thank God for my friends, because they talked me into going out for a few drinks. I headed out around 10:00 pm and got home around 1:30. Had 3 beers, so good laughs, and I felt better. I slept in my new bed for the first time, and slept like a rock. It's SOOO comfortable. I love it. So there's a perk.

Sunday.

Today Felix and I met at the old townhouse to get the last of the stuff out and clean before we have to turn our keys in tomorrow. We still get along great, and worked together and got everything done and cleaned. I'm not gonna lie, it felt good to be around him. I still LIKE being with him. He's a great person. It took us a few hours, then we headed our separate ways...I ran some errands, washed and swept my car, and now I'm getting some laundry done, and trying to figure out where all the rest of my crap is going to go.

Felix, being the good guy that he is, is coming over tomorrow afternoon to hang my curtains, put on my new showerhead, and hang some pictures for me. After he's done, I guess that's officially it. I don't know when or if I'll see him again. After a prolonged, almost 6-week breakup, tomorrow it's over. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know if I'm almost relieved that we've finally come to the end of this, or if I'm scared because I have to get used to living alone again. I know I'm going to be alright, but it's definately going to be a journey getting to that point, and I'm not exactly looking forward to it. Plus, I've had off a few days, and I don't go back into work until Tuesday night...so hopefully once I get back into work routine, it'll get easier. We'll see.

Guest Blogger #3: Patrick

***Oh what to say about guest blogger #3. Pat and I have a semi-volatile love/hate relationship. Now, it's mostly love, but back in college? He used to drive me CRAZY. We used to fight like cats and dogs. BUT- One thing remains the same: He's awesome guy and an awesome friend. He never hestitates to give me sound advice when I need it, he's truthful with me, but he also doesn't hesitate to put me in my place and tell me to stop whining. So, our last day Guest Blogging, here's Pat!***

Breaking up sucks. It can make you miserable....depressed...angry....and about a billion other things. We've all been through it. This is where I start out on the whole "nobody should define their own happiness through another person" rant. There's a long story that could be inserted here, but it would probably be SO long, and SO boring, that it'd be bad enough to drive all of Ashley's readers off to ESPN.com for the day. Anyways, it's not the relationship that matters anyways, it's what came after. I pretty much went into a downward spiral when it ended and partied my face off. The happiness I got from going out with my friends seemed like enough at the time to get me to the next day. I ended up as sick as I'd been in years, and missing 3 days of work due to the legitimate sickness. During my days of laying in bed, I started writing, and the following is an excerpt of what I was apparently going through at the time.

5 days afterwards...

"There is a pretty good chance that this past week has been the worst week of my life. Alright, maybe not the WORST, but we're definitely talking top 5. It was so bad, that I watched Pineapple Express in it's entirety without cracking a smile. It started last Friday when I got the call. "My feelings just aren't the same as they were..." And with that, my world came to a screeching hault. It killed me...I literally felt like I died inside. I know everyone probably says this about someone they're still crazy in love with...but she was so much freaking more. This girl loves sports, lives for college football and is best friends with all of my best friends. Will I ever find that again? Nope, not even close. That's the toughest part. That is something that is tough to wrap my mind around at this point. She was quite possibly the greatest girl I've ever met. Sure, we had some problems, and it wasn't always 100% perfect...but that wasn't because of fighting, jealousy, or mistrust (like my past relationships)..."

12 days afterwards...
"...I'm still torn up inside. Her and I have talked a few times, but not at any length, and really not about us. I have expressed how much I'm hurting, but she doesn't want to talk about it. I hope it is because her feelings are hurting too. I hate to wish any ill feelings towards her, but I just want to know she is feeling it too. It's always worse to be the last one to have feelings go, and you always want to be the first one to move on...but I don't see either happening yet. I certainly couldn't fathom moving on. She still means too much to me. Tonight was particularly hard. Although the day was graced with the Sunday joys of a Steeler playoff victory, afterwards, everyone either headed home...or pretty much went off to bed. I spent the majority of the night hanging out by myself in the living room...too much time to think. I don't know what the answer is from here on out. I have an interview for a job later this week, and my basketball season starts in 2 days, so I can only hope each of those goes well and I will be able to put my focus there. I certainly need to put more focus into getting back into the gym, and that needs to happen starting tomorrow."

Let me preface any of your thoughts with "Yes, I fully acknowledge how pathetic most of that is." But when it comes down to it, my entire day was revolving around "us" at that point. That isn't healthy, ever. While I'll always be grateful for the time that we spent together, I don't think I'll ever learn more about myself than I have in the year since it has been over. 2009 has seemed to be one of the fastest years of my life, and you know what they say about time when you're having fun. It's more than just that though. It scares me to think about what I would have missed out on if we had held on to something that apparently wasn't going to work in the long run. I had been from relationship to relationship for about 5 years at that point, and had been re-defining myself...always by the relationship I was in. This year I took time to getting back to being me. I have experienced things which I would have undoubtedly passed up on if things hadn't changed. I wouldn't have grown as I have. I wouldn't have matured as I have. Most importantly, I certainly wouldn't have put the time and effort into building and holding onto the friendships that have made me who I am today. The best part of all of this for me is being wrong. I couldn't have been more wrong about 99% of the stuff I wrote in those days following. It didn't kill me. Who knows, I might find that again...maybe even something better. 2009 couldn't have started off any worse for me...and has ended up being one of the best years of my life.

***Update about stuff I mentioned - I didn't get the job, my basketball team made it to the semi-finals, I got back into the gym, and of course...the Steelers won the Super Bowl. Oh yeah, and the girl? We still talk regularly, she's an amazing friend, and I still get "Happy (Insert Holiday Here) texts from her Mom.

(On a slightly more Ashley related note, I spent last week in Pittsburgh and although we didn't get to see each other, it reminded me of one of the greatest nights I've ever spent on the Southside. Ash came out with me and all of my best friends from high school, sporting a "Let Me Eat Dem Weiners" shirt that my buddy had made. Classic.)

Guest Blogger #2: Braband.

***Guest blogger #2 is my friend Steve. By far, one of the silliest, funniest guys I know. I met him working at the television station in college and have been friends with him just as long as I have with Guest Blogger #1. It doesn't matter how depressed you are, Steve will make you laugh. Even when you're convinced he's REALLY annoying, you still laugh. Cause he's just a silly guy..as you'll find out from his blog post!***

FOOTBALL!!!

First off let me just say it’s a great pleasure to be guest blogging for my dear friend Ashley Wynkoop.

Let’s give Ash a standing ovation for her dedication and kick ass commentary she has provided us on a daily basis. CLAP….CLAP…..CLAP….CLAP. Blogging is a serious job. I attempt to make funnies on my mediocre blog each day and it is tougher than doing the wheel barrel race with Heather Mills McCartney.

Ashley Wynkoop and I go way back to our days as drunk sloppy maniac’s really good students, at Clarion University. My first impression of Wynkoop was that she was bossy and danced like Elaine on Seinfeld with a weird involuntary tic. See below:




We’ve had many adventures and crazy mishaps as buddies while at Clarion University. None of which can be recounted on here because I know Ashley’s mom reads this blog and the content would be rated NC-89. Make sense? Hi, Mrs. W.
One final homage to Wynkoop – she can bust balls. No other girl I know would let me talk to her like a jackass and dish it right back. It’s comforting to know that we’ll be buddies for quite some time…..
I am here to write a small diatribe about the game of professional football. Before deciding on this tremendous subject, here is a list of topics I considered writing about:
1. “No, I Will Not Buy You Tampons.”
2. The History of Nacho Cheese
3. Everything Our Generation Knows About Relationships, We learned from Saved By The Bell Re-Runs.
4. Why Guys Won’t Date You If You Watch The Hills
5. Spelunking

(I’ll return one day and let you know why watching The Hills will lower your chance with men, seriously that garbage is toxic and causes loss of multiple brain cells)

While all those topics are informative and important, I think I need to reiterate the importance of America’s Game.

Football is not just a “silly game,” it is a life necessity (insert manly grunt, here). We need the entire weekend dosage of competitiveness and downright brutal violence – it helps us become better people. I am not just talking about Men. Woman need the fulfillment of watching their favorite team (or favorite guys butt) win a ball game too. The sensation that comes from watching your favorite team win a football match is greater than any feeling that can be created in or outside your normal life! Am I right?

Think about, if a guy’s favorite team wins the 1:00pm game, he’ll do anything for his lady.….for the rest of the day. A dude couldn’t be happier after his team seals up one more “W” in the win column. You could take a 5 mile run in old gym shoes, stomp around in dog poo-poo, and we’d still give you a foot rub because the Steelers beat the Vikings (hypothetically. This is not based on actual events).

More and more I see my lady friends get into football. My girlfriend gets just upset as I do when her team loses and she has been known to throw an item or too. My mom may scream “RUN” during replays but, her passion for the football is greater than what it was when I was actually playing the game. This is awesome. I encourage more and more females to learn to love the game that has engulfed all our Sunday afternoons. Just don’t buy a Pink jersey…….

(Side note: All Women who are from Pittsburgh are football/Steelers fans. It’s in their blood. Their blood may have an alcohol content of 2.7 but, it loves football!!!)

Football gives us a reason to drink beer before noon and eat bratwursts for breakfast. If “Tailgating” were a major in college, I would have graduated Super-Ultimate-Cumme-Lada….with a minor in Condiments, not Communication. However some people may take tailgating a little too far. Here’s looking at you, drunk people from Oakland, CA. I love to tailgate with the best of them but, there is no reason to puke on your jeans while missing the entire fourth quarter cause you’re face first, swimming in a sea of pee, in the nearest Men’s room urinal trough. Getting sauced up enough to yell and wave your terrible towel for four quarters and still have the human ability to…. walk, a key to thoroughly enjoying your Sunday afternoons. Don’t be a dick.

I’ve graduated high school, I’ve graduated college, I’ve got my ugly mug on television in a staring role (dream of mine) BUT, none of that compared to the feeling I had when I watched……in person….the Steelers win the Super Bowl. Some may call this feeling “lame” and for me to “find a freaking hobby” (Hey, I whittle wood) but I don’t care. For those don’t know what this feeling is like (Sivillo, and the rest of the people living in Ohio) – it’s great. You feel like you have completed a major accomplishment in your life, without actually doing anything. All the credit goes to the 53 men down on the field but, somehow, you feel apart of that. And it’s the best feeling ever. Better than having sex, while playing XBOX, on a pile of money.

If you are somehow still a “hater” of the game of Football I suggest you look for an apartment in Fallujah, because you are no longer welcome in this country.

So there you have it, I have an obsession with a sport where men wear tight pants and slap each other on the ass. Come on, I’m not the only one…..
My name is Steve and I am a silly goose. Here is my blog. Read about sports and become super awesome and important, like me. – www.steve-is-alive.blogspot.com
Go Steelers!

Guest Blogger #1 : Matt

***As some of you may know, I've asked 3 friends to "guest-blog" for me while I get through this move. It gives me a chance to ease up on the blogging a little bit, but still keep my daily post, and let's face it...spice up the monotonous "woe-is-me-I-got-dumped" attitude I've had lately. My first blogger is one of the greatest guys I've ever met. We've been friends since college, and I can't even really describe how well this dude just "gets" me. I've always been able to talk to him without feeling silly, and he means the world to me. So, without further ado...Matt's guest blog!!!***

My name is Matt, and I am today’s guest blogger. I enjoy long walks on the beach, watching my beloved Cleveland teams break my heart over and over again, WWF Wrestling Buddies, and above all things, music. I write a music blog in my spare time so I thought my guest blog would tie in two awesome things in my life…music and my zebra-print snuggie…I mean, Ashley Wynkoop.

Have you ever noticed that there are certain songs that will always remind you of certain people? Well there are definitely certain stupid songs that I hear that will always remind me of Ashley. She actually recommended a few bands to me that stuck with me throughout the years. So without further interruptions (because this feels like I’m writing an essay) here are the…

TOP 5 SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF SMASHLEY WYNKOOP

5. Anything by Something Corporate
Something Corporate always reminds me of Ashley (even though they don’t exist anymore) because they are her favorite band, or were at some point. I had only heard a few of their songs before meeting her, but she introduced me to “Konstantine“, the bands 9-minute piano-laden, band-defining anthem. It’s a hell of a tune and when I hear it, it always reminds me of good times in college.



4. “Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson
As awful as this song is, I thought it would be funny to learn how to play it on the guitar so I could play it at parties. I think I learned the song in my last semester of college and I pulled it out at a party over at Eidemiller’s one night and I think we almost got a noise complaint because of it. Ashley, Leah, and Andrea always made me play it whenever I had my guitar at a party after that point. NOTE: I no longer have any recollection of how to play this song.


3. Anything by Dashboard Confessional
One reason Ashley and I get along so well is that I am a balder version of Chris Carrabba. What can I say? Apparently, I do a damn fine job of covering his music, and I never would have had the confidence to play some of the open mic nights if it wasn’t for Ashley and the other WCUB kids telling me to go for it. I never got as many complements in one night as after I sang D/C one night at the old Gemmell Rotunda. Even though I can’t listen to as much of the whining music anymore that I used to listen to in college, Ashley and I have always shared a stupid infatuation with the kings of emo.



2. “Landed” by Ben Folds
This song takes me back to the newsroom at WCUB, where everybody would fight over the CD drive while writing the news over the course of the day. Unfortunately for Steph Holt and Leah Lovelace, Ashley won most of these battles because she refused to ever sleep in like normal people and would show up at dumb times of the morning to write pointless news (I’m guessing this is why she was the first to get a job out of all of us ’05 grads…hahaha).
One day she discovered this song for the first time and I think she played it at LEAST 20 times over the course of the day. I like Ben Folds, but once you hear a song 20 times in one day, you’ll never forget it…ever.


1. “Master of Puppets” by Metallica
Bet you didn’t see that one being dropped. Ashley isn’t the most hardcore person I know, but you know who is...Steve Braband. When Steve, Ash, (Pat, Kyle, and/or Leah) and myself would go to Red River Roadhouse for our Wednesday Night Tradition, Steve would always complain about the crap music that would always blast out at him from the blown-out speakers from Wynkoop’s old Ford Escort.
So one night Steve and I confiscated the stereo and inserted Metallica’s S&M album with the incredible live version of “Master of Puppets” on it. Steve and I went nuts head banging most of the way home as I recall. Ashley, despite maybe not enjoying the music, certainly laughed her ass off…probably while contemplating why she was friends with such losers.
[I can’t believe I remember that…seriously.]



So there ya go…hope you enjoyed it. Good luck on the move Ashley! Come visit your friends in Farmington!

P.S. - Ashley has a unique love of sloths. I encourage all of her current co-workers to paste cute pictures of sloths onto her computer desktop on a weekly basis to brighten up her day.

When it Rains... it Pours.

I feel like shit. S-H-I-T. I have the worst cold in the world, and I feel like my throat is going to swell closed at any moment. I took some Nyquil Tuesday morning and headed to bed around 8:00 am. I woke up at 11:00 a.m and I literally couldn't swallow, my throat was so swollen. So, in my foggy-headed oblivion, I remember going into the bathroom, grabbing 4 ibuprophen, stumbling downstairs to the fridge, and chugging them down with some lemonade Vitamin Water 10. I fell back asleep and woke up again about an hour and a half later, and my throat wasn't nearly as sore, so I think the massive amounts of pain killers helped. I've been taking Dayquil and Nyquil every 8 hours or so, but I feel like it completely dries my sinuses out..and I hate that. Add in PMS and the stress of moving, and you have one VERY unhappy Ashley.

Anyway- speaking of moving, I picked up my keys Tuesday and managed to haul two car loads of small stuff over to the new place before my cold kicked me into submission. Felix came home from work and I was curled up on the recliner, staring blankly at the TV, begging him to go get me soup from Panera. Obviously, he didn't. That, in turn, made me angry, and I avoided him the rest of the evening. We have less than two more days of living together, and we've been getting along for the last 4 weeks, so I'm not going to let my crappy mood ruin the cordial attitude we've had with each other in the last two days.

On a positive note, I called my gas company yesterda, because I was looking at my bill and realized we had a $3 credit on our account, which means I don't have to pay the $115 bill this Friday like I thought I did. That gives me money to buy lamps for my new place (turns out, the light switches are wired to wall outlets, and if you want any light in the living room or bedroom you gotta get some lamps. Felix bought the ones that are in the apartment now, so they're going with him, and that leaves me with no light). Also, Felix already gave me the $50 bucks for his half of the gas bill. I was trying to tell myself it would be ok to just keep his money, and that he'd never know I didn't have to pay this month's bill, but karma got the best of me and I confessed and gave him his money back. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could be more malicious.

Look for Sivillo's guest-bogging post tomorrow! I haven't seen it yet, so I'm hoping it's gonna be a good one!

Making Progress.

My whole life has been taken over by packing boxes and stressing out about moving. I've decided to skip the gym this week and focus on getting as much stuff over to my new apartment as possible. We're trying to avoid getting a U-Haul on Saturday like we originally planned, because it seems silly to go rent a truck when we're both moving like, 3 minutes away from where we are now.

Last night I got most of Talia's stuff packed and boxed up (luckily she brings most of her stuff from her mom's every other weekend and doesn't keep a ton at our place..just a few games and toys and stuffed animals). I also got the majority of my clothes closet cleaned out and packed up.

Today when I wake up, I get to go pay my first month's rent and pick up my keys. I figure I'll make a few trips back and forth to try and get rid of all the stuff I've already packed, to make room for more stuff. My hopes are that I can get the majority of everything over to the new place by Thursday and all that will be left is furniture and a few odds and ends.

It's not helping that I didn't get out of bed until almost 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I'm stuffy, my throat is swollen, and I feel like I've been fighting off a horrible cold for the last two weeks. That paired with the fact that it's getting dark when I wake up now, and the whole thought of moving out...is pretty depressing. I don't blame myself for staying in bed as long as I can!

Look for my guest bloggers on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday!! I'm looking forward to what these guys have to say on my blog...with Sivillo, Pat, and Braband, nothing is ever boring, that's for sure.

Happy Music Monday!!!

This is by no means a new song, but it's going to be my theme song as I pack boxes and move this week.


Now if only I can find one of those black leotards and heels....

Weekend Recap.

I don't have a lot of time because I'm trying to get some packing done, but my friends Marty and Danielle got married in a very low-key, small wedding on Saturday. Here are a few pics!

The bride, Mandy, and myself

Me and the groom!

The beautiful bride and her new hubby

Their gorgeous daughter Jocelyn

The whole family!

Congratulations Danielle and Marty!!!

Caturday.

Pooped.

I've been running constantly the last few days and I'm pooped. Right now I'm laying on the recliner, trying to keep my eyes open, watching "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. So, this will have to do for a blog post today. I'm gonna take a nap now.

I did, however, get alot of stuff CHEAP at Kohl's this Black Friday. Go me!

Done and done.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I suppose this is the day I'm supposed to write the cliche post about what I'm thankful for. One would think that at this stage in my life, I couldn't think of too many things, but actually the opposite is true.

The last month has been obviously stressful for me, but in my good moments (and firstly, I'm thankful that I have more good moments than bad), I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have the life that I do. Soooo without further ado, the things I am most thankful for this year. I'll try not to get too saptastic.

My Friends.
Up until things started heading south with Felix and I, I don't think I realized how fantastic my friends are. In the 2 and a half years I was blissfully in love, I did what most people do. I didn't keep in touch, or hang out as much as I should have. It goes with the territory, and I think everyone understands that. So naturally, when I realized Felix and I were NOT going to work things out, I kind of freaked. But then, an awesome thing happened. Friends came out of the wood work. People I haven't talked to in years started messaging me on Facebook, offering their support. Friends from high school (Lauren G.) I haven't talked to in forever, called me and let me pour my heart out. Certain friends who all work at ESPN in Connecticut call me/text me/leave me voicemails of them singing to me. Married friends (Sally) are willing to stay out with me until all hours of the night, just because it's hard for me to be at home. New friends take me out to dinner on Wednesday nights for margaritas to break up the monotony of the last few weeks before I move. College friends text me every single day just to see how I am (Steph). People invite me over and cook me dinner. Guys at work pat me on the back and ask me if I need any help moving, because they heard rumors through the grapevine. One guy even writes me poems at work, just to make me smile. It's absolutely amazing and I feel so blessed and loved and lucky to have these people in my life. I never realized how fully THERE for me they were. I hope that they can count on me the same way I'm counting on them.

Felix.
Yes, I'm thankful for him. Incredibly thankful. Before he came into my life, I had a string of guys that made me just feel BAD about myself. I was lonely, didn't like my job or where I was living, and had totally given up on the concept of a "nice" guy. I was bitter, bitter, bitter. Then I met Felix. I think I needed an actual MAN in my life who knew how to treat me with respect. He's never made me feel bad about myself. He's always called me beautiful. He's always been supportive. He's never been dramatic or ridiculous or jealous. He made me feel good about myself, and through him I grew a new confidence that I never realized I was missing. He made me a better person, and I hope I had the same effect on him. You know, I've never been the type to think there is just one "soulmate" out in the world for everyone. I think your life can take many different paths, and there isn't necessarily a "wrong" one that will lead to unhappiness. Felix was brought into my life to teach me what a good man is. I am going to miss him BOAT LOADS. I love him dearly. I will never speak poorly of him, and I am thankful.
I'm thankful we're getting through this so maturely. I don't know HOW it's happening...but by the grace of God, I think we'll be able to eventually be friends. I'm also thankful that I'm learning that heartache gets easier as you grow up. I'm thankful that the tears don't come quite as easily as they used to. Not that I'm not upset, or sad, or heartbroken. But now I'm confident enough in myself that I realize we're not breaking up because of something I did, or something I could've prevented. People grow apart. It doesn't mean he never loved me. Somehow it makes the whole thing a little easier.

Family.
This is an obvious one. My mom is one of my best friends. I call her every single morning on my way home from work. If she's off work, most of the time she even gets out of bed for my call, and will go back to sleep for a little while after we hang up. Who can say they have a mother like that? I have a mom who loves me enough to cry if I tell her I'm looking at jobs in other states, but she's also a mom that would fully support me in any decision I choose to make. My dad is fantastic, too. I was blessed with an amazing sister who was born when I was 16 years old. She's now a ridiculously smart and talented 10-year-old. I have an adorable nephew Brady, who continually amazes his family with all the baby stuff he does...and we all just stare at him in rapt attention when he's around. For all of them, I am thankful.

I could go on and on and on about things I'm thankful for, but these are the main three. What are you all thankful for this year?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

My dad turns 55 today! Holy crap where does the time go?! My dad is one of the greatest men I've ever known, and I don't think he realizes how much he means to his family. There's no other man on earth that can crack me up like he can, and he gives surprisingly good advice...when he's not giving terrible advice:) There's also no other man on earth that can make me want to slam my head against the wall repeatedly...but I digress....


I need to get some updated pictures over Thanksgiving, though! I don't have a lot of pictures of my dad, and he's like 40 pounds thinner than these pictures!

Happy Birthday Dad! I love you!

Procrastinators.

Last night, Felix and I both decided to tackle the basement. Luckily, he got the short end of the stick on this one because I took the time and got rid of 99% of my crap down there for my mom's yard sale this summer. I only have 4 or 5 boxes. But I still have to pack my DVDs, pictures, etc. Felix has stuff down there that he should've gotten rid of before we even moved in, but I think he's a closet pack-rat. He had a box of cassette tapes that he INSISTS he's going to convert to Cd's or whatever at some point...but they haven't moved since we moved in here two years ago. Anyway- so we both go down there with intentions of getting the stuff packed we didn't do this past Saturday because we both found other stuff to do.
We went downstairs, and started to make a pile of stuff we wanted to get rid off, which included three pillows and a rug. Then I said, "Eh, I'm not in the mood for this" and came upstairs.
Five minutes later, I hear him say, "screw it" and he came upstairs.
Looks like not too much has changed, we're both still going to wait until the last damn minute to get all this stuff done. Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator, eh?

Happy Music Monday!!

Finally, a Happy Music Monday from Mrs. Leah Lovelace. Florence + the Machine's You've Got the Love (XX Remix). I LIKE this song, but I'm not sure it makes me HAPPY. But hey! To each his own! And I always appreciate new music. Enjoy! YAY for short work weeks!

Weekend Recap.

Friday.

New. Moon. Premiere.

All the ladies at WFMJ have been counting down to this day...well, since the Twilight movie came out. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, grown women awaiting the opening of a movie definately aimed towards tween girls...BUT -- at least with me -- it's more about the books than it is the movie. I thought Twilight sucked. New Moon sucked, too. BUT- the books were awesome, and it's always fun to have a girls night. And it's even more fun to have a theme for girls night. So, 5 of us went to dinner, then headed to the theater for the 10:00 pm showing. I thought, since we were staying in Austintown, it wouldn't be CRAZY packed. I was wrong. Sally and I had stopped to load up on snacks at Walgreens, so we were even behind the other ladies in line. But the people at the theater didn't really think it through too well. As soon as they started letting all these screaming girls into the theater, Sally and I just simply blended into the mob scene and we probably with the first 50 people in the theater. Like I said, movie sucked. Sally yelled at me for texting during the end...such a mom thing to do. But that's ok:) After the movie, the other girls went home and Sally and I decided to meet a couple guy friends at this new "club" that had opened up near our houses. Wrong idea. one look at all the teenybopping slutty girls, we quickly drank our ONE beer and headed home to bed. It made me feel old. I just can't do that stuff anymore. Ick. I felt dirty.

Saturday.

My original plan on Saturday was to do nothing. I wanted to go to the gym and then come home and start packing. But, Jody called and I ended up driving to Pittsburgh to stay at her place for the night. We ate dinner at Bravo, rented a movie, and had a total fat girl night on her couch...eating ice cream and drinking wine. She fell asleep on the couch at like, 10:00, I finished the movie and was in bed by midnight. I was woken up around 2:00 am by the Connecticut crew leaving me four voicemails, rapping and singing and generally being awesome. I loved it. I have truly awesome, amazing friends.

Sunday.

I woke up at Jody's around 7:00, took a shower, got ready and hopped in the car to head to my parents house. My brother and his wife, Jackie were bringing their son Brady to my parent's house. He was born in February and I've only seen him twice, so I had to go home to check out the little guy. He most definately did NOT disappoint. He's the cutest kid ever. Maybe I'm biased, but he definately ranks up there in the cuteness department. After a few hours, I headed back up to Y-town, watched the tail-end of the Steelers lose to Kansas City (lame), and then laid down for a nap. Now it's off to work...but at least I only have a 3-day week! I took Thanksgiving off for the first time since I've lived here. I was originally going to Chicago with Felix to meet his sisters, but obviously that ain't happenin', but it's kind of a blessing in disguise because it'll be nice to spend it with my mom and dad and Morgan.

Caturday.

Happy Friday!

The weekend is FINALLY here. Exactly two weeks from now, I will be moving. It's weird. And scary. But right now I'm at the point where I just want to get it over and done with. Truthfully, a big part of me is trying desperately NOT to throw my hands up in the air, stomp my feet, and yell "F*CK THIS!" It's really hard to be "civil" in a break up. Felix is being great, but I just want to get this over with. I feel like I'm in limbo with a constant sick, stressful feeling in my stomach that's not going away. I'm laughing and joking around at home with Felix, and at the same time we're discussing selling our fridge or Craigslist and him bringing boxes home from work so we can pack. It's F*cked up. And that's why I want to throw up my hands and say, "f*ck it."



But I will restrain from doing that for two weeks. I WILL be an adult about this. DEEP BREATHE.


Ok, anyway, just so you know, this is how my day started:

Literally TWO MINUTES after I woke up, I walked into the kitchen, started coffee, went to put it back, and dropped it. Coffee is a BITCH to clean up. So I took a picture of it. I even tried to sweep some of it back in (we're in a recession), but then saw some hair and decided against it. Needless to say, Felix gets the coffee when we move. I'll buy new.

My new GPS came in the mail today, so that was a highlight. At least I don't have to be worried about driving anywhere with MapQuest directions.

Couch to 5K Update.

I'm completing week 3 today or tomorrow, and I'm still loving it. Week four is when it really kicks into gear where I know I'm going to have to push myself. BUT--my fear of running is disappearing, which is the point of the program. And the treadmill has been helping me to clear my mind. So far, nothing but good things to say about the program.

Have a good weekend!

A Post About Nothing.

GOOD NEWS! No depressing blog post today!! No crazy deep quotes from books!! No talking about how crappy my life is right now!!! HURRAY!!!!!!

But...

I don't really have anything to write about today.

So, some random blurbs.

***I went out with my friend Rachel last night to Salsita's for dinner and margaritas. It's the first time we got together just she and I -- we usually see each other at get togethers. Felix is friends with her boyfriend. But she's such a cool girl and we keep meaning to hang out and we never do. So tonight we did. We had a lot of fun and I'm hoping we become better friends. Plus, she bought dinner. Awesome. Nothing puts me in a good mood like some frozen strawberry margaritas and chicken fajitas!***

***The weekend I move, I've enlisted some "guest bloggers" to write a few blog posts for me while I'm up to my ears in boxes. I'm going to write little intros for them, since I have committed to writing a blog post every day for a year, but they'll do the brunt of the work. Stay tuned for posts from Matt Sivillo, Pat Muldowney, and Steve Braband the weekend of December 3rd. I've given them free reign to write about whatever they want, so I'm a little frightened. I'm hoping they won't ALL blog about sports, but hey. Whatever floats their boats. This is exciting! GUEST BLOGGING WOO-HOO!!! And please, I don't want anyone to get offended that I didn't ask THEM to blog for me. Who knows, maybe there will be another time in the future when I'm breaking up with my boyfriend, moving out, and changing my entire life path...then I'll ask a whole new round of people to write for me.***

That's all, folks.

Quote of the Day

"See, now that's your problem. You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."

Eat, Pray, Love.

"Eat, Pray, Love" is a book I've heard about for several years. I never read it because Oprah loves it, and I tend to think Oprah is full of crap a lot of the time. I also thought it was a book about a woman who went on some spiritual journey to India to "find herself", and most of the time I think all that is a load of crap, too. BUT- In the past several months, some close friends of mine have been RAVING about it, and when it ended up on the bar in front of me one night by chance (yes...at a bar, and don't ask) I decided it was about time I gave it a chance.
I'm only on page 89, but already I feel like this book was written FOR ME, and can see how it's easily going to be one of my favorites.

Here are a couple little excerpts from the book that really hit home with me. The context won't make much sense unless you've read the book, but maybe they'll make you curious enough to pick it up yourself and read it.

"The Augusteum (a neglected building in Rome) warns me not to get too attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. I might have been a glorious monument to somebody -true enough- but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."

This one is my favorite (so far, as of page 89):

"My mother had made choices in her life, as we all must, and she is at peace with them. I can see her peace. She did not cop out on herself. The benefits of her choices are massive -a long, stable marriage to a man she still calls her best friend; a certainty in her own strength. Maybe some things were sacrificed, and my dad made sacrifices, too- but who amongst us lives without sacrifice? And the question now for me is, what are MY choices to be? What do I believe that I deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice and where can I not?"

And finally, this is from an email Pat sent me (we both work overnight and email each other semi-frequently) about this stupid break up I'm going through: "....but regardless, I know you well enough to know that you are going to come out of this a much better/stronger/smarter/ more resilient person. You're SO much stronger than me...and if I can get through some of this crap, I know that you can."

That brings me to this. I've had a lot of my close friends telling me how strong I am. And I've had some not-so-close friends tell me how strong I am. Where do you guys see this strength? Because on days like this, I sure don't feel it. Or see it. At all. And why do I have to be strong? I don't want to have to be strong. I want things to go back to the way they were three months ago, when I was happy. I know I'll be happy again, but I just don't feel like I should've ever lost that happiness, and why do I have to struggle to find it when I was content before? I just don't think it's fair.

Happy Music Monday!!!

This week's Happy Music Monday comes to us courtesy of one Mr. Matthew Sivillo. He says, and I quote (via text message...and mom, close your eyes, you probably don't want to
read this): ""f*ckin' right! Makes me want to chug beers and have sex! Arghhh!" And while I think it IS a pretty catchy, fun song, it doesn't have QUITE that effect on me.

So, without further ado, here is "The Reeling" by Passion Pit!

Weekend Recap.

All things considering, this wasn't a bad weekend. It was actually pretty normal. Here's a rundown...although it was pretty uneventful and boring.

Friday.
Since I was on dayshift, I didn't get out of work until just before 7:00 pm. Came home and Felix and Talia were watching tv, and they had brought me home Belleria (Cavatelli and meatballs...one of my favorites!!). So, I stuffed my face, then we all relaxed and watched the Disney movie "Up". It was REALLY cute, and of course, I cried. Figures- It's about a man who's wife dies and he sets out to do what they always said they would. I'm a sucker for that kind of storyline. After the movie was over, Talia went to bed, and I went upstairs to catch up on some television (I have ALOT to watch before Armstrong comes and gets our DVR's in a few weeks!) I fell asleep around 10:30 and slept like a baby.

Saturday.
I was on a mission to find new bedroom furniture, and succeeded! 6 months, no interest, same as cash. That means my income tax will be going solely towards a new bed, mattress set, chest, dresser, and mirror. But at least I don't have to worry about bedroom furniture now, and it's one less thing I have to worry about moving because they'll deliver it to my new apartment on December 5th. I've never had a new mattress before, either. They've always been hand-me-downs, so I'm kind of excited for it. I may need to take back the new comforter set I bought, though. The finish on the wood of the bedroom set is a mixture of deep cherry and a dark espresso, so I'm not sure it'll match. Anyway- with the bedroom furniture ordered, that means all the major items I need for my new apartment are taken care of, except a microwave.
***sidenote***to prove how well Felix and I are getting along through this: We have a huge vase that we throw our change in. On Friday, I asked him to cash it in to see how much was there, and then we'd split it. We had $80, and he gave it all to me so I can buy a microwave since the one we have is his. See? He's a nice guy.
After I picked out furniture and set it up to be delivered (We still haven't told Talia about everything, so she and Felix went to Target to kill some time while I did what I had to do), we headed over to the mall to get some ice cream, then went to the movies and say "A Christmas Carol". It was ok- but I guess since I've known the story since I was little, I was less than impressed. After the movie we came home and I made lasagna and garlic bread. We stuffed ourselves on a late dinner and then hung out the rest of the night. When Talia went up to watch TV in her room, I headed to the bedroom to watch TV and Felix played some sort of video game downstairs. The whole situation could be a lot worse than what it is. I'm not sure HOW or WHY Felix and I are getting along so well through this whole thing, but we are, and I'm thankful for it.

Sunday.
It's back to night shift tonight, so my plan is to hit up the grocery store, then take a nap to get my schedule flipped back around. Exciting day, I know.

Tomorrow it's back to the gym full-time and eating healthy. I've definately let myself go the last month or so, and I'm starting to feel it. The jeans are getting a little snug, and I just FEEL crappy. I've let myself be pathetic for long enough, it's time to get it together!