When did men stop wanting to take care of women? Now, guys who read this blog, I'm generalizing men here, not ALL men are like this and I'm not saying YOU are or that every man is, so chillax.
Anyway, when did men stop wanting to take care of women? It's something I've noticed since My Breakup. I feel like it's all around me. Men who are 30 or older who just DON'T want to get married or have kids. Or 30-year-olds who still live with their parents. I was recently catching up with a college friend who lives in NYC and he was saying his relationship was hanging by a thread because he's almost 30 years old and doesn't see himself settling down any time soon. I'm not bashing him, he has every right to feel that way, BUT- since when does it make a girl crazy to anticipate the next step in a relationship when you've been together for a few years? Felix made me feel like I was doing something WRONG for making plans to buy a house, or ask about marriage. Call me crazy, but after being together for almost 3 years, I was making plans. There's nothing wrong with planning my life. I think it's normal...isn't it? If I WANTED kids, I'd be screwed. I'd have to go out and unknowingly get knocked up by some guy. BECAUSE now, by the time a man is ready to have kids, a women's childbaring days are almost over!
I feel like men my age just don't feel the need the older generation did to marry a woman and take care of her. Ladies, maybe it's OUR fault. We're so independent we send off this vibe that we don't NEED to be taken care of. Which we don't, and that's good. But NEEDING and WANTING something are two different things. I WANT a man who is ABLE to take care of me, and WANTS to. Call me old-fashioned, but that's what I've always pictured. I recently read an article that says women are becoming more successful than men. More women are graduating from college and getting good jobs, while it seems as though men are slacking. It's in a women's nature to be with someone successful. Maybe successful women are just outnumbering the successful guys out there? And there's less of a choice? Maybe men feel emasculated by a women's success?
I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. And I'm not man-bashing. I LOVE men. It's just been my observation that men just don't want to get married anymore. But who can blame them? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
6 comments:
Well they certainly don't make 'em like they used to.... no John Waynes to be found.
love, mom
I understand the personal experiences you've had recently, but to be honest with you, I don't think it's a "men don't want to settle down" thing. I really think it is an "our generation doesn't want to settle down" thing. Look at our parents parents. How many people in our generation do u think had divorced grandparents? Compare that to how many friends you have with divorced parents.
Separation and divorce is so ridiculously accepted as the norm these days, I feel like a lot of people just figure screw it, avoid the hassle all together. PERSONALLY, I don't feel that way, and I also know a lot of good people that are in good relationships that will probably lead to great marriages. All I'm saying is, times are a-changin'.
I think you're right in part that many women are independent to the point where they want to be successful on their own before settling down these days, where as in the past it was settle down, and then take the next step in life. We all move at such a pace these days it seems like settling down doesn't always seem like the default next step like it used to.
I think that a lot of the comments you said are true, and I also agree with what Pat said. I have a lot of friends with divorced parents. The reason why divorce and separation is so accepted in this country is because it is now considered socially acceptable. It wasn't in previous generations. I believe a lot of this comes from media influences and America becoming more and more of a faithless society. America is quickly becoming a more and more selfish and loveless society and it's sad.
Like Pat, I think the problem with our generation is that a lot of us are way too concerned with our careers and we believe that it's financially impossible to have kids before age 30. Think about the past generations though when college wasn't so stressed. Neither of my parents went to college and they put 3 kids through college. You can't do that anymore. Even with a college degree it would be difficult to support a child in today's economy.
You can put weddings into the same boat. Weddings cost so much anymore that people save for years to have the wedding of their dreams. Big weddings are great, but the best weddings I have been to are the small, creative ones. Marriage used to be a sacred bond...now people don't take it so serious. They just do it because it's easier financially to have joint incomes than live by yourself.
But have faith...there are plenty of guys out there (myself included) that want marriage and kids before we hit our middle ages (once considered 25+...now more like 35+). And I personally have at least 10 friends that were married and had kids before age 25 that are still together and happy. It's tough to generalize on a subject like this...I think it all depends on the people involved. Just letting you know that there are tons of guys out there that do want to take care of a family.
PS - I agree with you that a lot of women in today's society do put off a "I don't need to be taken care of" vibe. Independency is a great quality to have while single, but having a family is not an independent thing...you gotta let the independency go because a family has to depend on each other.
Pat and Sivillo....either one of you who wants to marry me, I'm in. Loved the comments...very smart men with very valid points:)
A year ago I knew I wanted to eventually settle down, but right now random trips to NYC, not having to answer to anyone, playing a ton of basketball, and sleeping as late as I want every day are all things way too appealing for me to consider any other options at this point.
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