Guest Blogger #2: Braband.

***Guest blogger #2 is my friend Steve. By far, one of the silliest, funniest guys I know. I met him working at the television station in college and have been friends with him just as long as I have with Guest Blogger #1. It doesn't matter how depressed you are, Steve will make you laugh. Even when you're convinced he's REALLY annoying, you still laugh. Cause he's just a silly guy..as you'll find out from his blog post!***

FOOTBALL!!!

First off let me just say it’s a great pleasure to be guest blogging for my dear friend Ashley Wynkoop.

Let’s give Ash a standing ovation for her dedication and kick ass commentary she has provided us on a daily basis. CLAP….CLAP…..CLAP….CLAP. Blogging is a serious job. I attempt to make funnies on my mediocre blog each day and it is tougher than doing the wheel barrel race with Heather Mills McCartney.

Ashley Wynkoop and I go way back to our days as drunk sloppy maniac’s really good students, at Clarion University. My first impression of Wynkoop was that she was bossy and danced like Elaine on Seinfeld with a weird involuntary tic. See below:




We’ve had many adventures and crazy mishaps as buddies while at Clarion University. None of which can be recounted on here because I know Ashley’s mom reads this blog and the content would be rated NC-89. Make sense? Hi, Mrs. W.
One final homage to Wynkoop – she can bust balls. No other girl I know would let me talk to her like a jackass and dish it right back. It’s comforting to know that we’ll be buddies for quite some time…..
I am here to write a small diatribe about the game of professional football. Before deciding on this tremendous subject, here is a list of topics I considered writing about:
1. “No, I Will Not Buy You Tampons.”
2. The History of Nacho Cheese
3. Everything Our Generation Knows About Relationships, We learned from Saved By The Bell Re-Runs.
4. Why Guys Won’t Date You If You Watch The Hills
5. Spelunking

(I’ll return one day and let you know why watching The Hills will lower your chance with men, seriously that garbage is toxic and causes loss of multiple brain cells)

While all those topics are informative and important, I think I need to reiterate the importance of America’s Game.

Football is not just a “silly game,” it is a life necessity (insert manly grunt, here). We need the entire weekend dosage of competitiveness and downright brutal violence – it helps us become better people. I am not just talking about Men. Woman need the fulfillment of watching their favorite team (or favorite guys butt) win a ball game too. The sensation that comes from watching your favorite team win a football match is greater than any feeling that can be created in or outside your normal life! Am I right?

Think about, if a guy’s favorite team wins the 1:00pm game, he’ll do anything for his lady.….for the rest of the day. A dude couldn’t be happier after his team seals up one more “W” in the win column. You could take a 5 mile run in old gym shoes, stomp around in dog poo-poo, and we’d still give you a foot rub because the Steelers beat the Vikings (hypothetically. This is not based on actual events).

More and more I see my lady friends get into football. My girlfriend gets just upset as I do when her team loses and she has been known to throw an item or too. My mom may scream “RUN” during replays but, her passion for the football is greater than what it was when I was actually playing the game. This is awesome. I encourage more and more females to learn to love the game that has engulfed all our Sunday afternoons. Just don’t buy a Pink jersey…….

(Side note: All Women who are from Pittsburgh are football/Steelers fans. It’s in their blood. Their blood may have an alcohol content of 2.7 but, it loves football!!!)

Football gives us a reason to drink beer before noon and eat bratwursts for breakfast. If “Tailgating” were a major in college, I would have graduated Super-Ultimate-Cumme-Lada….with a minor in Condiments, not Communication. However some people may take tailgating a little too far. Here’s looking at you, drunk people from Oakland, CA. I love to tailgate with the best of them but, there is no reason to puke on your jeans while missing the entire fourth quarter cause you’re face first, swimming in a sea of pee, in the nearest Men’s room urinal trough. Getting sauced up enough to yell and wave your terrible towel for four quarters and still have the human ability to…. walk, a key to thoroughly enjoying your Sunday afternoons. Don’t be a dick.

I’ve graduated high school, I’ve graduated college, I’ve got my ugly mug on television in a staring role (dream of mine) BUT, none of that compared to the feeling I had when I watched……in person….the Steelers win the Super Bowl. Some may call this feeling “lame” and for me to “find a freaking hobby” (Hey, I whittle wood) but I don’t care. For those don’t know what this feeling is like (Sivillo, and the rest of the people living in Ohio) – it’s great. You feel like you have completed a major accomplishment in your life, without actually doing anything. All the credit goes to the 53 men down on the field but, somehow, you feel apart of that. And it’s the best feeling ever. Better than having sex, while playing XBOX, on a pile of money.

If you are somehow still a “hater” of the game of Football I suggest you look for an apartment in Fallujah, because you are no longer welcome in this country.

So there you have it, I have an obsession with a sport where men wear tight pants and slap each other on the ass. Come on, I’m not the only one…..
My name is Steve and I am a silly goose. Here is my blog. Read about sports and become super awesome and important, like me. – www.steve-is-alive.blogspot.com
Go Steelers!