Guest Blogger #3: Patrick

***Oh what to say about guest blogger #3. Pat and I have a semi-volatile love/hate relationship. Now, it's mostly love, but back in college? He used to drive me CRAZY. We used to fight like cats and dogs. BUT- One thing remains the same: He's awesome guy and an awesome friend. He never hestitates to give me sound advice when I need it, he's truthful with me, but he also doesn't hesitate to put me in my place and tell me to stop whining. So, our last day Guest Blogging, here's Pat!***

Breaking up sucks. It can make you miserable....depressed...angry....and about a billion other things. We've all been through it. This is where I start out on the whole "nobody should define their own happiness through another person" rant. There's a long story that could be inserted here, but it would probably be SO long, and SO boring, that it'd be bad enough to drive all of Ashley's readers off to ESPN.com for the day. Anyways, it's not the relationship that matters anyways, it's what came after. I pretty much went into a downward spiral when it ended and partied my face off. The happiness I got from going out with my friends seemed like enough at the time to get me to the next day. I ended up as sick as I'd been in years, and missing 3 days of work due to the legitimate sickness. During my days of laying in bed, I started writing, and the following is an excerpt of what I was apparently going through at the time.

5 days afterwards...

"There is a pretty good chance that this past week has been the worst week of my life. Alright, maybe not the WORST, but we're definitely talking top 5. It was so bad, that I watched Pineapple Express in it's entirety without cracking a smile. It started last Friday when I got the call. "My feelings just aren't the same as they were..." And with that, my world came to a screeching hault. It killed me...I literally felt like I died inside. I know everyone probably says this about someone they're still crazy in love with...but she was so much freaking more. This girl loves sports, lives for college football and is best friends with all of my best friends. Will I ever find that again? Nope, not even close. That's the toughest part. That is something that is tough to wrap my mind around at this point. She was quite possibly the greatest girl I've ever met. Sure, we had some problems, and it wasn't always 100% perfect...but that wasn't because of fighting, jealousy, or mistrust (like my past relationships)..."

12 days afterwards...
"...I'm still torn up inside. Her and I have talked a few times, but not at any length, and really not about us. I have expressed how much I'm hurting, but she doesn't want to talk about it. I hope it is because her feelings are hurting too. I hate to wish any ill feelings towards her, but I just want to know she is feeling it too. It's always worse to be the last one to have feelings go, and you always want to be the first one to move on...but I don't see either happening yet. I certainly couldn't fathom moving on. She still means too much to me. Tonight was particularly hard. Although the day was graced with the Sunday joys of a Steeler playoff victory, afterwards, everyone either headed home...or pretty much went off to bed. I spent the majority of the night hanging out by myself in the living room...too much time to think. I don't know what the answer is from here on out. I have an interview for a job later this week, and my basketball season starts in 2 days, so I can only hope each of those goes well and I will be able to put my focus there. I certainly need to put more focus into getting back into the gym, and that needs to happen starting tomorrow."

Let me preface any of your thoughts with "Yes, I fully acknowledge how pathetic most of that is." But when it comes down to it, my entire day was revolving around "us" at that point. That isn't healthy, ever. While I'll always be grateful for the time that we spent together, I don't think I'll ever learn more about myself than I have in the year since it has been over. 2009 has seemed to be one of the fastest years of my life, and you know what they say about time when you're having fun. It's more than just that though. It scares me to think about what I would have missed out on if we had held on to something that apparently wasn't going to work in the long run. I had been from relationship to relationship for about 5 years at that point, and had been re-defining myself...always by the relationship I was in. This year I took time to getting back to being me. I have experienced things which I would have undoubtedly passed up on if things hadn't changed. I wouldn't have grown as I have. I wouldn't have matured as I have. Most importantly, I certainly wouldn't have put the time and effort into building and holding onto the friendships that have made me who I am today. The best part of all of this for me is being wrong. I couldn't have been more wrong about 99% of the stuff I wrote in those days following. It didn't kill me. Who knows, I might find that again...maybe even something better. 2009 couldn't have started off any worse for me...and has ended up being one of the best years of my life.

***Update about stuff I mentioned - I didn't get the job, my basketball team made it to the semi-finals, I got back into the gym, and of course...the Steelers won the Super Bowl. Oh yeah, and the girl? We still talk regularly, she's an amazing friend, and I still get "Happy (Insert Holiday Here) texts from her Mom.

(On a slightly more Ashley related note, I spent last week in Pittsburgh and although we didn't get to see each other, it reminded me of one of the greatest nights I've ever spent on the Southside. Ash came out with me and all of my best friends from high school, sporting a "Let Me Eat Dem Weiners" shirt that my buddy had made. Classic.)