The Great Appendix Debacle.

The Great Appendix Debacle began when Felix got home from work Tuesday night. Here's the progression of the horror:

7pm (ish):
Felix gets home from work and tells me his stomach is kind of bothering him. So, I do what any other loving girlfriend would do, tell him to go try and poop, and return to Facebook on my laptop.
7:15...(ish).
Felix comes downstairs and tells me he's having some pretty awful stomach pains, and do I want to go upstairs and lay in bed with him while we watch The Biggest Loser? I roll my eyes, thinking he's being a Typical Man (you ladies know how they can become RIDICULOUS whiners when they're not feeling 100%), but trudge upstairs with him and flop on the bed.

8:30.
He's REALLY squirming now and saying his stomach HURTS. I tell him he probably has gas. 5 minutes later, he's sprinting to the bathroom and praying to the porcelain gods. I felt bad, because I've only ever seen him throw up once in our almost 3-year relationship, but mostly I was just hoping I wouldn't get whatever was taking over his immune system (swine flu, anyone?).

9:30.
Still throwing up, now curled up in a ball in pain. Ok- he's being serious here. Let's go to the ER. So, I text messaged the other producer that works with me overnight, tell her I'm sorry, I'm going to be late, I think Felix has appendicitis (really, I honestly thought he was STILL just having bad gas).

10:00.
Arrive at St. Elizabeth's Health Center. This hospital is in the heart of Youngstown. Youngstown is not the greatest city in Ohio. People are really poor. And really ghetto. I'm just being real. So, whatever you just thought of in your head right now? Yup, that's the kind of scenario we were experiencing. The ER is filled with swiney-flued germy folks, so I try to sit on the chair without actually touching it. Felix is still doubled-over in pain, running to the bathroom periodically to ralph. A man wearing khaki shorts, sandals, and a polo shirt, is discussing at lengths Nazi Germany and Hitler with a woman who looks like she must've survived Auschwitz. Felix takes one look at him, looks at me, and says (rather loudly), "if this guy doesn't shut the f*ck up he's gonna get punched in the face". The guy shut up, and everyone around us started snickering and muttering a "thanks" to Felix under their breath.

10:15.
The nurse calls Felix's name. I think, "This is AWESOME. We're gonna be in and out. Shortest ER visit EVER!"
How very, very wrong I was.
Felix gets put into an emergency room with a crackhead who I'm convinced just wanted a place to sleep that night. He WAS coughing up some nasty phlegm though, and unabashedly spitting it into a puke bucket, all the while mumbling that he needs water, and periodically letting out a huge burp. I eventually felt really bad for the guy, because I found out he might be homeless, and he was there by himself because the rest of his family is dead. But then I also heard him tell the nurse that he has NOT used recreational drugs in AT LEAST 4 days.

11:30.
A nurse finally comes in and gives Felix and IV with meds for nauseousness and pain.

11:45.
The ER erupts in a flurry of activity. I look out the door to see the Trauma Team putting on all their gear, the double doors open and a man laying on a gurney is being wheeled in with a friend standing beside him screaming that HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND HE'S NOT LEAVING!!! Shortly after, he left. I hear a cop say the kid was shot in the neck. So, naturally, I text work that there was a shooting. Work already knew.

12:45 AM.
A doctor comes in and says, "bear with me, we're really busy. I'll be back as soon as I can".

1:00AM.
A nurse comes in with this huge Styrofoam container filled with lemonade-y looking stuff, telling me to give Felix a cup every half hour until it was gone. After it was gone, he'd be off to get a CAT Scan. The lemonade-y stuff was going to make him glow!

(Keep in mind Felix is a little hopped up on morphine, so he's in and out of sleep, while I'm crunched into a chair by the door, watching ambulance's dump people off every five minutes, trying to keep my sanity...because, SURELY we'll be out of here in no time, right?)

2:45AM.
The ambulance doors open once again and I hear a woman screaming and EMT's suppressing laughter. They're bringing in a woman who is certifiably bat-shit-crazy. Her arms are waving in the air, she's screaming, "OH I WANT THOSE LIGHTS!! CAN I HAVE THOSE PRETTY LIGHTS?! GIVE ME THOSE LIGHTS!!!! WOO WOO WOO WOO! (that's the sound of her imitating an ambulance siren) WOO WOO WOO!!!!"
They took her in a room, and from what I heard, had to restrain her. After they restrained her she started wailing that they took her bracelet and she NEEDED her bracelet (WOO WOO WOO WOO!!!).
I look out the door again and see a nurse prancing like a fairy in the hallway, making fun of the crazy lady. She caught my eye and stopped. I laughed.

3:00AM
We wheel Felix off to get a CAT Scan. While I'm waiting, I pick up an Oprah Magazine. Turns out, it's the same Oprah Magazine I read in my dentist's office 6 months ago. The ONLY O Magazine I've ever looked at in my life. Huh. That sucked.

3:25AM
We're truckin' back to the ER, with results of the CAT Scan promised in the next hour.

3:45AM.
The crackhead wakes up, the nurse brings him food, and he sits up and slurps it down, all the while staring directly at me and totally creeping me out. Felix is once again in a morphine-induced fitful sleep.

4:25AM...the time the CAT Scan results were promised. That time came and went.

5:00 AM
I'm obviously not making it to work tonight.

5:15 AM
I'm standing in the hallway, pacing back and forth out of boredom when I hear the doctor yell, "Yeah I'll be back, gotta go tell the guy in room 6 he has appendicitis". I stop and look at the room number above our door. Yup, we're room 6!! Doctor sees I heard him yelling the diagnosis and promptly apologizes. I just blow it off because THANK GOD we have a diagnosis and it's NOT gas pains! He promises another doctor will come in to let him know about surgery.

5:45AM.
Doctor comes in, says they're going to laproscopic-ally remove his appendix. They don't like to keep surgeries like this waiting, because there's a possibility the appendix can rupture. And that's not good.

6:00AM.
Nurse comes in and says it will be at least NOON before Felix goes into surgery. So much for the concern about his appendix rupturing. Screw this, I'm running home and getting a book and some food.

7:00AM.
Back with Felix. Doctor comes in again, tells us what COULD happen in a "worst case scenario". I start crying. Felix makes fun of me, but I can tell he's touched. Little does he know, I'm just really tired.

8:15ishAM.
I'm curled up on two different chairs trying to get a few minutes of shut-eye. Nothing amusing happened during this time, I was just really tired.

9:45ishAM.
They wheel him to surgery, this is where I say goodbye. Off he goes to get his appendix removed!!

9:46ish AM.
I'm crying. Crying because I'm worried. Crying because I'm exhausted. Crying because I feel bad that Felix has been driving me a little nuts lately. Crying because I thought it was just gas pains.

10:00AM.
Eating massive amounts of peanut butter cups in the surgery recovery waiting area. (where they give you an actual beeper-esque thing that vibrates when your patient is out of surgery. I kinda felt like I was waiting for a table at Outback).

10:45AM.
The kindly woman behind the desk tells me he JUST went into surgery.

11:30AM.
Doctor comes to see me, shakes my hand at least three times, and tells me the surgery went smoothly and it would be another hour and a half before he was out of Recovery. I cried some more. Not sure why. It's only a friggin' appendectomy for crying out loud!!!

1:30PM.
He should've been out of Recovery a half an hour ago. I go up to the desk, and inquire why he's still in recovery. She says they're very busy and just DON'T HAVE ANY BEDS OPEN. I picture my poor Felix laying in a bed in a hallway, after surgery, wondering where the hell I am.
Something inside me snaps.
"LISTEN. I JUST WANT TO KNOW HE'S OK. I WANT TO KNOW SO I CAN GO HOME AND SLEEP. WE'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 10 LAST NIGHT. WHY DO THESE OTHER PEOPLE HAVE BEDS AND HE DOESN'T!!!??"
Yes, I flipped out a little.
However, they did miraculously find a bed for him by 2:00pm.

I was back to Austintown by 3:00 pm to nap for a few hours before going back to the hospital. He gets out sometime today. He also gets painkillers and gets to miss probably the entire next week of work. Where can I sign up for an appendectomy?!