Why Did it Take Me So Long to Realize This?!

I think with all breakups, there's that inevitable hurt when one person finds out the other person is dating someone new. And we all hope to be the person dating, not the one finding out your previous boyfriend/girlfriend has moved on. Am I right?

Well, this weekend I got a double whammy.

Not only did I find out Felix was dating someone new, but I also found out that she lives with him. And has lived with him for a couple months. He and I have only been living apart for four months.

Talk about a kick in the gut.

I'm not going to lie. I found out Friday night and I spent a good portion (mostly the whole thing) of it crying my eyes out at the utter injustice of it all.

I also went through an hour or two when I thought about all my past boyfriends, and how come they didn't like me? What was wrong with me? What could I have done to make them stay with me/like me? Why are they so much better than me?

Then it dawned on me like a palm smacked straight into my forehead.

I'M better than THEM.

Not trying to put myself on a pedestal or anything here, but think about it. I'm young, talented, have all the potential in the world to do whatever the heck I want, and let's face it...Felix really didn't/doesn't.

He's a good many years older than me, and hasn't done much in the last ten years to get farther ahead in life. Sometimes his total lack of ambition would boggle my mind. Why don't you want to ever get married? Why don't you want (more) kids? How could you possibly be content living in an apartment and never want to own a home?! HOW WHY WHAT HUH?


I'm not saying he's not a good person, I think he is. He just isn't the right person for me. If he wants to live with a total non-threatening, easily controlled, ding-batted Walgreen's cashier, that's his prerogative. It has nothing to do with me. And it's not a reflection on me or our relationship.

It's God's way of saying, "Silly girl, I have bigger and better things planned for you. Get over this guy".

And as Leah told me Sunday on the phone, "It's onward and upward, bitches."