Happy Music Monday!!!

This is by no means a new song, but it's going to be my theme song as I pack boxes and move this week.


Now if only I can find one of those black leotards and heels....

Weekend Recap.

I don't have a lot of time because I'm trying to get some packing done, but my friends Marty and Danielle got married in a very low-key, small wedding on Saturday. Here are a few pics!

The bride, Mandy, and myself

Me and the groom!

The beautiful bride and her new hubby

Their gorgeous daughter Jocelyn

The whole family!

Congratulations Danielle and Marty!!!

Caturday.

Pooped.

I've been running constantly the last few days and I'm pooped. Right now I'm laying on the recliner, trying to keep my eyes open, watching "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. So, this will have to do for a blog post today. I'm gonna take a nap now.

I did, however, get alot of stuff CHEAP at Kohl's this Black Friday. Go me!

Done and done.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I suppose this is the day I'm supposed to write the cliche post about what I'm thankful for. One would think that at this stage in my life, I couldn't think of too many things, but actually the opposite is true.

The last month has been obviously stressful for me, but in my good moments (and firstly, I'm thankful that I have more good moments than bad), I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have the life that I do. Soooo without further ado, the things I am most thankful for this year. I'll try not to get too saptastic.

My Friends.
Up until things started heading south with Felix and I, I don't think I realized how fantastic my friends are. In the 2 and a half years I was blissfully in love, I did what most people do. I didn't keep in touch, or hang out as much as I should have. It goes with the territory, and I think everyone understands that. So naturally, when I realized Felix and I were NOT going to work things out, I kind of freaked. But then, an awesome thing happened. Friends came out of the wood work. People I haven't talked to in years started messaging me on Facebook, offering their support. Friends from high school (Lauren G.) I haven't talked to in forever, called me and let me pour my heart out. Certain friends who all work at ESPN in Connecticut call me/text me/leave me voicemails of them singing to me. Married friends (Sally) are willing to stay out with me until all hours of the night, just because it's hard for me to be at home. New friends take me out to dinner on Wednesday nights for margaritas to break up the monotony of the last few weeks before I move. College friends text me every single day just to see how I am (Steph). People invite me over and cook me dinner. Guys at work pat me on the back and ask me if I need any help moving, because they heard rumors through the grapevine. One guy even writes me poems at work, just to make me smile. It's absolutely amazing and I feel so blessed and loved and lucky to have these people in my life. I never realized how fully THERE for me they were. I hope that they can count on me the same way I'm counting on them.

Felix.
Yes, I'm thankful for him. Incredibly thankful. Before he came into my life, I had a string of guys that made me just feel BAD about myself. I was lonely, didn't like my job or where I was living, and had totally given up on the concept of a "nice" guy. I was bitter, bitter, bitter. Then I met Felix. I think I needed an actual MAN in my life who knew how to treat me with respect. He's never made me feel bad about myself. He's always called me beautiful. He's always been supportive. He's never been dramatic or ridiculous or jealous. He made me feel good about myself, and through him I grew a new confidence that I never realized I was missing. He made me a better person, and I hope I had the same effect on him. You know, I've never been the type to think there is just one "soulmate" out in the world for everyone. I think your life can take many different paths, and there isn't necessarily a "wrong" one that will lead to unhappiness. Felix was brought into my life to teach me what a good man is. I am going to miss him BOAT LOADS. I love him dearly. I will never speak poorly of him, and I am thankful.
I'm thankful we're getting through this so maturely. I don't know HOW it's happening...but by the grace of God, I think we'll be able to eventually be friends. I'm also thankful that I'm learning that heartache gets easier as you grow up. I'm thankful that the tears don't come quite as easily as they used to. Not that I'm not upset, or sad, or heartbroken. But now I'm confident enough in myself that I realize we're not breaking up because of something I did, or something I could've prevented. People grow apart. It doesn't mean he never loved me. Somehow it makes the whole thing a little easier.

Family.
This is an obvious one. My mom is one of my best friends. I call her every single morning on my way home from work. If she's off work, most of the time she even gets out of bed for my call, and will go back to sleep for a little while after we hang up. Who can say they have a mother like that? I have a mom who loves me enough to cry if I tell her I'm looking at jobs in other states, but she's also a mom that would fully support me in any decision I choose to make. My dad is fantastic, too. I was blessed with an amazing sister who was born when I was 16 years old. She's now a ridiculously smart and talented 10-year-old. I have an adorable nephew Brady, who continually amazes his family with all the baby stuff he does...and we all just stare at him in rapt attention when he's around. For all of them, I am thankful.

I could go on and on and on about things I'm thankful for, but these are the main three. What are you all thankful for this year?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

My dad turns 55 today! Holy crap where does the time go?! My dad is one of the greatest men I've ever known, and I don't think he realizes how much he means to his family. There's no other man on earth that can crack me up like he can, and he gives surprisingly good advice...when he's not giving terrible advice:) There's also no other man on earth that can make me want to slam my head against the wall repeatedly...but I digress....


I need to get some updated pictures over Thanksgiving, though! I don't have a lot of pictures of my dad, and he's like 40 pounds thinner than these pictures!

Happy Birthday Dad! I love you!

Procrastinators.

Last night, Felix and I both decided to tackle the basement. Luckily, he got the short end of the stick on this one because I took the time and got rid of 99% of my crap down there for my mom's yard sale this summer. I only have 4 or 5 boxes. But I still have to pack my DVDs, pictures, etc. Felix has stuff down there that he should've gotten rid of before we even moved in, but I think he's a closet pack-rat. He had a box of cassette tapes that he INSISTS he's going to convert to Cd's or whatever at some point...but they haven't moved since we moved in here two years ago. Anyway- so we both go down there with intentions of getting the stuff packed we didn't do this past Saturday because we both found other stuff to do.
We went downstairs, and started to make a pile of stuff we wanted to get rid off, which included three pillows and a rug. Then I said, "Eh, I'm not in the mood for this" and came upstairs.
Five minutes later, I hear him say, "screw it" and he came upstairs.
Looks like not too much has changed, we're both still going to wait until the last damn minute to get all this stuff done. Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator, eh?

Happy Music Monday!!

Finally, a Happy Music Monday from Mrs. Leah Lovelace. Florence + the Machine's You've Got the Love (XX Remix). I LIKE this song, but I'm not sure it makes me HAPPY. But hey! To each his own! And I always appreciate new music. Enjoy! YAY for short work weeks!

Weekend Recap.

Friday.

New. Moon. Premiere.

All the ladies at WFMJ have been counting down to this day...well, since the Twilight movie came out. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, grown women awaiting the opening of a movie definately aimed towards tween girls...BUT -- at least with me -- it's more about the books than it is the movie. I thought Twilight sucked. New Moon sucked, too. BUT- the books were awesome, and it's always fun to have a girls night. And it's even more fun to have a theme for girls night. So, 5 of us went to dinner, then headed to the theater for the 10:00 pm showing. I thought, since we were staying in Austintown, it wouldn't be CRAZY packed. I was wrong. Sally and I had stopped to load up on snacks at Walgreens, so we were even behind the other ladies in line. But the people at the theater didn't really think it through too well. As soon as they started letting all these screaming girls into the theater, Sally and I just simply blended into the mob scene and we probably with the first 50 people in the theater. Like I said, movie sucked. Sally yelled at me for texting during the end...such a mom thing to do. But that's ok:) After the movie, the other girls went home and Sally and I decided to meet a couple guy friends at this new "club" that had opened up near our houses. Wrong idea. one look at all the teenybopping slutty girls, we quickly drank our ONE beer and headed home to bed. It made me feel old. I just can't do that stuff anymore. Ick. I felt dirty.

Saturday.

My original plan on Saturday was to do nothing. I wanted to go to the gym and then come home and start packing. But, Jody called and I ended up driving to Pittsburgh to stay at her place for the night. We ate dinner at Bravo, rented a movie, and had a total fat girl night on her couch...eating ice cream and drinking wine. She fell asleep on the couch at like, 10:00, I finished the movie and was in bed by midnight. I was woken up around 2:00 am by the Connecticut crew leaving me four voicemails, rapping and singing and generally being awesome. I loved it. I have truly awesome, amazing friends.

Sunday.

I woke up at Jody's around 7:00, took a shower, got ready and hopped in the car to head to my parents house. My brother and his wife, Jackie were bringing their son Brady to my parent's house. He was born in February and I've only seen him twice, so I had to go home to check out the little guy. He most definately did NOT disappoint. He's the cutest kid ever. Maybe I'm biased, but he definately ranks up there in the cuteness department. After a few hours, I headed back up to Y-town, watched the tail-end of the Steelers lose to Kansas City (lame), and then laid down for a nap. Now it's off to work...but at least I only have a 3-day week! I took Thanksgiving off for the first time since I've lived here. I was originally going to Chicago with Felix to meet his sisters, but obviously that ain't happenin', but it's kind of a blessing in disguise because it'll be nice to spend it with my mom and dad and Morgan.

Caturday.

Happy Friday!

The weekend is FINALLY here. Exactly two weeks from now, I will be moving. It's weird. And scary. But right now I'm at the point where I just want to get it over and done with. Truthfully, a big part of me is trying desperately NOT to throw my hands up in the air, stomp my feet, and yell "F*CK THIS!" It's really hard to be "civil" in a break up. Felix is being great, but I just want to get this over with. I feel like I'm in limbo with a constant sick, stressful feeling in my stomach that's not going away. I'm laughing and joking around at home with Felix, and at the same time we're discussing selling our fridge or Craigslist and him bringing boxes home from work so we can pack. It's F*cked up. And that's why I want to throw up my hands and say, "f*ck it."



But I will restrain from doing that for two weeks. I WILL be an adult about this. DEEP BREATHE.


Ok, anyway, just so you know, this is how my day started:

Literally TWO MINUTES after I woke up, I walked into the kitchen, started coffee, went to put it back, and dropped it. Coffee is a BITCH to clean up. So I took a picture of it. I even tried to sweep some of it back in (we're in a recession), but then saw some hair and decided against it. Needless to say, Felix gets the coffee when we move. I'll buy new.

My new GPS came in the mail today, so that was a highlight. At least I don't have to be worried about driving anywhere with MapQuest directions.

Couch to 5K Update.

I'm completing week 3 today or tomorrow, and I'm still loving it. Week four is when it really kicks into gear where I know I'm going to have to push myself. BUT--my fear of running is disappearing, which is the point of the program. And the treadmill has been helping me to clear my mind. So far, nothing but good things to say about the program.

Have a good weekend!

A Post About Nothing.

GOOD NEWS! No depressing blog post today!! No crazy deep quotes from books!! No talking about how crappy my life is right now!!! HURRAY!!!!!!

But...

I don't really have anything to write about today.

So, some random blurbs.

***I went out with my friend Rachel last night to Salsita's for dinner and margaritas. It's the first time we got together just she and I -- we usually see each other at get togethers. Felix is friends with her boyfriend. But she's such a cool girl and we keep meaning to hang out and we never do. So tonight we did. We had a lot of fun and I'm hoping we become better friends. Plus, she bought dinner. Awesome. Nothing puts me in a good mood like some frozen strawberry margaritas and chicken fajitas!***

***The weekend I move, I've enlisted some "guest bloggers" to write a few blog posts for me while I'm up to my ears in boxes. I'm going to write little intros for them, since I have committed to writing a blog post every day for a year, but they'll do the brunt of the work. Stay tuned for posts from Matt Sivillo, Pat Muldowney, and Steve Braband the weekend of December 3rd. I've given them free reign to write about whatever they want, so I'm a little frightened. I'm hoping they won't ALL blog about sports, but hey. Whatever floats their boats. This is exciting! GUEST BLOGGING WOO-HOO!!! And please, I don't want anyone to get offended that I didn't ask THEM to blog for me. Who knows, maybe there will be another time in the future when I'm breaking up with my boyfriend, moving out, and changing my entire life path...then I'll ask a whole new round of people to write for me.***

That's all, folks.

Quote of the Day

"See, now that's your problem. You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."

Eat, Pray, Love.

"Eat, Pray, Love" is a book I've heard about for several years. I never read it because Oprah loves it, and I tend to think Oprah is full of crap a lot of the time. I also thought it was a book about a woman who went on some spiritual journey to India to "find herself", and most of the time I think all that is a load of crap, too. BUT- In the past several months, some close friends of mine have been RAVING about it, and when it ended up on the bar in front of me one night by chance (yes...at a bar, and don't ask) I decided it was about time I gave it a chance.
I'm only on page 89, but already I feel like this book was written FOR ME, and can see how it's easily going to be one of my favorites.

Here are a couple little excerpts from the book that really hit home with me. The context won't make much sense unless you've read the book, but maybe they'll make you curious enough to pick it up yourself and read it.

"The Augusteum (a neglected building in Rome) warns me not to get too attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. I might have been a glorious monument to somebody -true enough- but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation."

This one is my favorite (so far, as of page 89):

"My mother had made choices in her life, as we all must, and she is at peace with them. I can see her peace. She did not cop out on herself. The benefits of her choices are massive -a long, stable marriage to a man she still calls her best friend; a certainty in her own strength. Maybe some things were sacrificed, and my dad made sacrifices, too- but who amongst us lives without sacrifice? And the question now for me is, what are MY choices to be? What do I believe that I deserve in this life? Where can I accept sacrifice and where can I not?"

And finally, this is from an email Pat sent me (we both work overnight and email each other semi-frequently) about this stupid break up I'm going through: "....but regardless, I know you well enough to know that you are going to come out of this a much better/stronger/smarter/ more resilient person. You're SO much stronger than me...and if I can get through some of this crap, I know that you can."

That brings me to this. I've had a lot of my close friends telling me how strong I am. And I've had some not-so-close friends tell me how strong I am. Where do you guys see this strength? Because on days like this, I sure don't feel it. Or see it. At all. And why do I have to be strong? I don't want to have to be strong. I want things to go back to the way they were three months ago, when I was happy. I know I'll be happy again, but I just don't feel like I should've ever lost that happiness, and why do I have to struggle to find it when I was content before? I just don't think it's fair.

Happy Music Monday!!!

This week's Happy Music Monday comes to us courtesy of one Mr. Matthew Sivillo. He says, and I quote (via text message...and mom, close your eyes, you probably don't want to
read this): ""f*ckin' right! Makes me want to chug beers and have sex! Arghhh!" And while I think it IS a pretty catchy, fun song, it doesn't have QUITE that effect on me.

So, without further ado, here is "The Reeling" by Passion Pit!

Weekend Recap.

All things considering, this wasn't a bad weekend. It was actually pretty normal. Here's a rundown...although it was pretty uneventful and boring.

Friday.
Since I was on dayshift, I didn't get out of work until just before 7:00 pm. Came home and Felix and Talia were watching tv, and they had brought me home Belleria (Cavatelli and meatballs...one of my favorites!!). So, I stuffed my face, then we all relaxed and watched the Disney movie "Up". It was REALLY cute, and of course, I cried. Figures- It's about a man who's wife dies and he sets out to do what they always said they would. I'm a sucker for that kind of storyline. After the movie was over, Talia went to bed, and I went upstairs to catch up on some television (I have ALOT to watch before Armstrong comes and gets our DVR's in a few weeks!) I fell asleep around 10:30 and slept like a baby.

Saturday.
I was on a mission to find new bedroom furniture, and succeeded! 6 months, no interest, same as cash. That means my income tax will be going solely towards a new bed, mattress set, chest, dresser, and mirror. But at least I don't have to worry about bedroom furniture now, and it's one less thing I have to worry about moving because they'll deliver it to my new apartment on December 5th. I've never had a new mattress before, either. They've always been hand-me-downs, so I'm kind of excited for it. I may need to take back the new comforter set I bought, though. The finish on the wood of the bedroom set is a mixture of deep cherry and a dark espresso, so I'm not sure it'll match. Anyway- with the bedroom furniture ordered, that means all the major items I need for my new apartment are taken care of, except a microwave.
***sidenote***to prove how well Felix and I are getting along through this: We have a huge vase that we throw our change in. On Friday, I asked him to cash it in to see how much was there, and then we'd split it. We had $80, and he gave it all to me so I can buy a microwave since the one we have is his. See? He's a nice guy.
After I picked out furniture and set it up to be delivered (We still haven't told Talia about everything, so she and Felix went to Target to kill some time while I did what I had to do), we headed over to the mall to get some ice cream, then went to the movies and say "A Christmas Carol". It was ok- but I guess since I've known the story since I was little, I was less than impressed. After the movie we came home and I made lasagna and garlic bread. We stuffed ourselves on a late dinner and then hung out the rest of the night. When Talia went up to watch TV in her room, I headed to the bedroom to watch TV and Felix played some sort of video game downstairs. The whole situation could be a lot worse than what it is. I'm not sure HOW or WHY Felix and I are getting along so well through this whole thing, but we are, and I'm thankful for it.

Sunday.
It's back to night shift tonight, so my plan is to hit up the grocery store, then take a nap to get my schedule flipped back around. Exciting day, I know.

Tomorrow it's back to the gym full-time and eating healthy. I've definately let myself go the last month or so, and I'm starting to feel it. The jeans are getting a little snug, and I just FEEL crappy. I've let myself be pathetic for long enough, it's time to get it together!

Caturday (Except with a Squirrel This Time)

It's Official.

...I signed my lease and put my deposit down on a new apartment. I can get the keys and start moving December 1st. WEIRD.

My new apartment isn't TERRIBLE, but it sure isn't fantastic. There are a few pros: New tile in the kitchen, new carpet, and it's small so it won't be too hard to keep clean (But it IS bigger than my old apartment on the west side above Marie's house!).

There are also some cons. For example, I have two of these accent walls. One in the kitchen, one in the living room. This is a close-up:

I'm sure this was "in" when the apartments were built, somewhere around 1954. But really? Who wants that on their wall?! I just thank God it's only on two walls, not the entire apartment. I'd throw up! I just feel like they could've left well enough alone and just left the drywall, but then again, I'm not interior designer.

I made sure I got a place on the second floor, because all the apartments have big sliding glass doors in the living room, and I really didn't want to feel like someone was creeping around outside, trying to see in my window. That means I have a balcony (pro), but the view sucks (con).

I don't even get a carport, cause I was too cheap to pay 15 extra bucks a month. But I figure I have a remote car starter, so if I start it early enough, the snow will (hopefully) just melt off. I'm kind of excited about living alone again. (I mean, the circumstances SUCK, and I'd much rather just stay where I am with Felix, but that obviously ain't happenin', so I'm trying to make the best out of a shitty situation.) I lived alone for two years before I met Felix, and while it gets lonely, it's wonderful not to be living with someone just so they can pay half the rent. So there ya have it, folks. It's Friday the 13th, too. How fitting.

Anyone Out There??

Dear The-Powers-That-Be-That-Are-In-Charge-of-Ashley's-Destiny,

Please find a way to keep me on dayshift forever. Life is way better living a normal schedule.

Thanks in advance,

Ashley W.

Wednesday Night Tradition.

Tonight REALLY took me back to my college years. Obviously, things have been stressful for me as of late, and I'm on day shift this week, so a bunch of girls at work decided to go out after the 6PM news tonight to Quaker Steak 'N Lube for some wings and beer.

Upon arrival, we learned their special tonight was "Tanker" beers for 5 bucks. We weren't sure exactly what that entailed, but upon arrival, this is what I got:



Clarion friends, does this look familiar?

Our senior year, every (mostly) Wednesday night without fail, a few of us (mostly me, Sivillo, Braband, and Pat, but sometimes Leah and Kyle) would go to the Roadhouse for Big Beers. It was a way for us to relax and unwind and have a great time on Wednesday nights. Wednesday Night Tradition is one of my fondest memories of college, and I'm glad I got to recreate it tonight with some great Ytown girls.

As hard as this breakup is on me, I have really come to realize who my friends are (new AND old). Everyone has been so supportive and great to me, and even though I may not answer all of your texts about how I'm doing (some of them come at times when I REALLY don't want to talk about it), I definately appreciate your love and support. So, at the risk of sounding like a total cheeseball, thank you everyone for being there for me. It matters more than you even know.

What Happened to All My Money?

I found a new apartment yesterday. It's ok. It's not like, spectacularly nice, but for $395 a month plus electric and cable? I can't really say no. It's about as nice as our townhouse is now, just way smaller. I figured I'd be putting out about the same amount of money a month as I am now, paying rent plus utilities, and that's what I was aiming for.
Sure, I could probably afford a nicer place, but I don't want to have to sit at home on the weekends because I don't have any money to go out with friends. It is what it is. I don't want to have to go back to coin laundry, but people have had to do alot worse, so I'm not going to complain.
It's crazy how fast this is all happening. I go Saturday morning to sign a 6-month lease and put down my deposit. Felix is going tomorrow to look at places. We're both staying with the same rental company, but I'm thinking he'll pick a townhouse that's a few blocks away (with my encouragement), so at least I can't look out my window and see his place. Now THAT would be rough!
Last night, I went to Lyz and Weyman's after I got off work. They cooked me spicy sausage alfredo sausage. It was DELICIOUS. Lyz and I also had a couple glasses of wine and watched Gossip Girl. She's turning out to be a really great friend, and I'm glad I have her. She and Weyman (her boyfriend, also Felix's friend, which is how we met) never make me feel like the third wheel, they're just such good people. If I ever decide to leave Youngstown, there are a lot of friends I'll be very sad to leave. Ok, enough mush. It's time to go get ready for work and start my day.
The plan is to work until 6:30, then head to the gym to do Couch to 5K, then make it home in time to watch The Biggest Loser!

Ho-Hum.

I'm skipping happy music Monday today, because it's just not a happy Monday. It's not a TERRIBLE Monday (as far as I can tell at 7:23 AM), but it's just not happy.

Ever have one of those days when your alarm is set early but you think about what you have to do that day and you just can't bring yourself to get out of bed?

That was me this morning.

I had my alarm set for 6:00 AM. I'm on day shift this week, and have to be ready and out the door at 9:00 AM to go to the front office of our apartment building when it opens. I'm putting in our 30 Day Notice that we're moving out..and I'm going to look at a couple 1 bedroom apartments and pray they're not hideous for the price. And hoping they'll let me sign a 3-month lease. And hoping they have some available. It's just such a daunting task. My alarm went off and I just thought, "Crap." I managed to lay in bed for another hour, putting off the inevitable.

So keep your fingers crossed for me, folks! It's supposed to be sunny and 71 today, so I'd like to enjoy my day if at all possible. If I have to find a new place to live, I'd rather it be sunny and warm instead of freezing and miserable!

Weekend Recap

Friday.
There's nothing quite like a good cut and highlight to lift your spirits. I had it scheduled for 6 weeks, and my appointment fell just at the time I needed a boost. My wonderful stylist Alicia did an awesome job with some red and blonde highlights, and quite a bit of length cut off! LOVE IT!

After my hair appointment, I was supposed to take an hour nap, then meet Sally for some shopping and dinner, then drinks out at O'Donald's with some friends. I fell asleep for three hours! But we still managed to get in a little shopping, a yummy dinner at Red Lobster (Lobster mashed potatoes, anyone? YUM!), then went to the bar and had a FABULOUS time singing and dancing to the local band that played covers of FANTASTIC songs all night long. It was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.

Saturday.
Saturday was the big Ohio State/ Penn State football game, and while I don't follow college football, I bought an Ohio State shirt to wear, for the sole reason of pissing off my friend Weyman, who was the only Penn State fan in the group. We had a good time, as usual. Beer, football, and wings. Who doesn't have fun with that combination?

Sunday.

Today kind of sucks because Felix and I decided to move out before the end of the year, and we're looking at the weekend of December 4th (it's actually the date we were supposed to go to NYC with Steph and Rich, so we both have 3 days vacation. Yeah, it sucks...but it is what it is.) I decided I needed a little retail therapy to cheer me up, so I went out and spent a lot of money on stuff I'm going to need for my new apartment. I bought a beautful new comforter set, a coffee maker, a toaster, and a Brita water bottle (Felix has one of those water bottle Culligan machines, and obviously he's taking that with him ,but in the last year and a half, I got really spoiled on good water, and don't think I can go back to drinking tap). Of course, I'm depressed, but at least some new stuff has been kind of upbeat about the future. I guess.

AAAAND there's my weekend in a nutshell.

I'm on day shift this week, and that is awesome.

Caturday.

Brilliant!

I have the BEST idea to get more people to read my blog.

A month or so ago, I signed up for StatCounter. It's a free service, and all it does is track the users that visit your website (Ashley Stalkers, don't you worry, I can't see WHERE you're stalking me from or how many times a day you visit As Told By Ash, it's just like a visitor counter that also shows what entry is the most read...so go ahead and continue stalking. It makes me feel important).

Anyway, a few days a go, I posted the Serenity Prayer. After I did that, the "clicks" on my page went from like 15 or 20 a day to an average of 200 a day!

Are you catching onto my idea?

So what that means is this: If I keep putting words in my blog that people will google...say, "Kate Gosselin" or "H1N1 Deaths", I really feel like I can boost my readership!

Thoughts?

Oh yes, today is Friday, which means an update on the Couch to 5K program. I JUST finished week two yesterday. Still a piece of cake. And though I'm really trying to stick with the pace of the program, I'm finding myself running more than the program recommends.

Week 3 is a little tougher, though. Run 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, run 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes, and repeat for 25 minutes. Still pretty easy, but at least it's getting a little tougher. It's easy physically, but running with me is all mental. I like this plan because as long as I'm sticking to their recommendations, I can't get down on myself when I can't force myself to run for an hour without getting out of breath.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

Here Goes...

Ok, a lot of you have been texting, emailing, and calling me asking me if I'm alright, because my blogging is down and dumpy lately. Yes, I'm ok. Well, not really. But I will be.

To make a really, really complicated long story short: Felix and I are breaking up (if you haven't guessed that already). The reasons are complicated, but basically, we want different things. We still love each other a lot, and that makes it more coomplicated.

ANYWAY, we're made the decision to live together through the holidays for several reasons (there are more, but they're personal, and if Felix ever reads this blog I don't want him to think I'm COMPLETELY letting our dirty laundry out for the entire World Wide Web to read) :
1. We're not fighting, and are actually managing to get along really well, for the most part. It's hard to explain, but it works for us (at least I hope).
2. His daughter. That is going to be hard. REALLY hard. I've grown to love Talia alot, and it's going to be tough to tell her, and neither of us think it's the right thing to do when Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner.
3. Frankly, neither he nor I are ready to just break it off yet. So, while we know it's coming, we just want to put it off for awhile and have agreed to deal with it at a later date. You might think that is a pathetic thing to do, but hey..maybe we're pathetic people.
4. We're both going to move out of the place we are now because we can't afford it on our own, and coming up with deposits and rent and everything right around Christmas? No thanks.

So, I don't expect anyone to understand our situation, we're dealing with it as it happens. And I'm not blaming anything on him, but if he could just work through some things, I would be 100% content to staying with him and loving him forever. But I'm also old enough to realize I can't make someone change, or hope they'll help themselves when they don't want to.

As confusing as this all sounds, that's where we stand right now. We're still going to spend time together on the weekends, and hopefully still go on our trip to NYC with Steph and Rich at the beginning of December (we both have agreed to still go, but I'm taking it day by day and not getting my hopes up). I'm saying all this because when you read my blog and I talk about Felix, I don't want everyone to think, "Oh! They're working stuff out and are going to stay together!" As much as I would love for that to happen, I'm not holding my breathe.

Just bear with me, everyone. I'm getting good at only letting myself breakdown at certain times during the day. When I wake up in the afternoon, I let myself have a good cry, and I let myself do it again before I go to bed. For the most part, I can keep myself together at the times in between, unless I'm on the phone with my mom of course, then I cry alot. But isn't that what mom's are for?

The last time I had to get through heartache like this was when I was in my early 20's and I'll tell you what, the older you are? The easier it gets. Not saying it's EASY, but I've learned to not blame myself this time around, or think "If only I'd have done ____ we'd still be together."

Maybe things could totally turn themselves around in the next 8 weeks, and maybe we can go back to the deliriously in love couple that we were just a few months ago, but it's not fair to either one of us to hold our breathe and expect it.

So that's what's going on in my life! How about yours?

Bear With Me...

My blog lately has been kind of depressing, so bear with me. I'll be ok (hopefully sooner than later), but my urge to write is not so strong. However, I'm exactly half way done with this blog-every-day project, so I'm going to finish it if it kills me!
When I'm going through a tough time, music really helps me cope. I feel as though certain songs are meant and written just for me, and it makes me feel better. Stupid? Maybe. But does it help? As long as they're not overly depressing, yes.
That being said, this song came on my ipod today and I've decided I love the lyrics. So here they are (by the way, I'll write about my "situation" as soon as I think I can explain it logically without sounding completely idiotic...for now, this is what you get):

"Better in Time" by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you

I didn't know where to turn to

See somehow I can't forget you

After all that we've been through

Going coming

Thought I heard a knock

Who's there no one

Thinking that I deserve it

Now I realize that I really didn't know

If you didn't notice you mean everything

Quickly I'm learning to love again

All that I know is I'mma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

Even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV

Without something there to remind me

Was it all that easy

To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming

don't wanna laugh

Hurt my feelings but that's the path

I'll believe in

And I know time will heal it

If you didn't notice

boy you mean everything

Quickly I'm learning to love again

All I know is I'mma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you

It's gonna hurt when it heals too

It'll all get better in time

Even though I really love you

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me

It's time I let you go

So I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is

I'll be fine without you

Yes I will

Figuring Stuff Out.

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

Happy Music Monday!!!

Ok, Mom! I forgot your Happy Music Monday last week, so here it is this week! Who doesn't like, if not LOVE this song?!

Rough Patches.

I try not to get too overly personal with this blog, because I don't want anything to ever come around and bite me in the ass, or regret posting something online, but it's time for me to vent.
Felix and I are going through a really rough patch right now. Neither one of us did anything (no one cheated or anything horrible like that), but we're just having our doubts about being together. Like I said, I don't want to go into too much detail, but have any of you ever been through a rough patch with your significant other? How did you get through it? There isn't a lack of love, it's just like we've come to kind of a crossroads and we need to decide if we're gonna throw in the towel or work it out. Any advice?